Anyway, I finally had the guts to take my dog out for a walk. I guess I could finally let the fear go before I miss my chance to do what I've always wanted to do. I fear that if I get attached to him, I might get hurt again once he passed on. Just like how horrifically my previous 3 dogs passed on. Sigh.
I've been feeling down lately, and I have no idea why is it that I am the way I am. I've tried to be happy, I've tried to laugh it off, put on a dreadful smile on my face whenever I see anyone.. so I wouldn't have to answer them why is it that I'm forlorn. I am an abysmal person, I really am. I can be talkative and hyper for a moment, and then silence myself the next half. I don't know if they felt it? But somehow I sense they could and are already questioning or rather perplexed. I am insecure. By something that seems pretty indistinguishable to me. I can go all temperamental in just a sec, and then all lighted up the next. Sometimes I wonder if I was somehow Bipolar or maybe it's all those emo songs that I've been indulging myself in.
Ah, all these fanatical teenage hormones is driving my emotions all up the wall. Being ill twice in a month totally murdered my buzz. I've tried my best to be the best for everyone. To be a good friend and a good listener like I've always had tried to be. My best bud is all the way in UK and it's always so hard to catch her for a video chat. I need someone to listen and give me some advice, no matter relevant or not. I pretty much figured that I'm a sensitive and sentimental person. Bite me.
Being somewhat sensitive is taking its toll on me. It's time I learn to toughen up. Stay professional. I probably should stay off the Internet for some time. Too much emotions to handle in such a short period of time. I just don't think I deserve to have friends like them all, who cares about me. I never thought that I ever deserve it.
Ah, Mr. What's-his-name has been agitating me lately, help was what I needed and what you offered. But I guess you freaking LIED! Thanks!
Woah, I've wrote this long? Almost hitting the 2am mark. Night.
"Life... is like a box of chocolates - a cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that no one ever asks for, unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Sure, once is a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper." - The X-Files
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