Route 66

Merry Christmas!

Sometimes i question myself

why Do I work hard for?
why do I even care?
why do I even study so hard for?
why do I even pay attention?
why do I even try so hard maintainin my percentage?

WHY?

why do some people who don't give a damn gets better opportunity then me?

From day 1 since I entered form 2

I tell myself that I'll work hard to maintain my percentage, and I did prove that during mid-term, my hard work paid off with better grades.
I will pay extra attention, and I did
No slacking, no skipping school(besides sports day)
NOTHING that will affect my studies.

I studied, oh yes i did, but did anyone see that and stream fairly?
NO. They did not!
Since day 1, you tell us, you reminded us that 1 fail all fail and will be strictly sorted out the following year. Yeah right. so what? you're going to tell me its random again?

What is the point of working so hard? Will anyone notice the effort I put in? Probably my parents do, but how much do you think they know? Because they don't and I don't show it when i'm home. I'm just different.

I'm so happy for my friends who got up and I know they deserved it, because I saw the effort they put in unlike some. Whatever, probably you're thinking, she got through a year, she could probably go through another year. Well you're WRONG! I can't and i hate it alot! why don't you try being in there and see how it feels!!!

I'm being really patient this yr and you know what, I could actually blow right infront of you. I bared with everyone includin my closest friends. I feel so different around them. I always felt so left out when I'm with them b'coz.. b'coz no one will ever understand how i feel right now, right at this moment.

I cry infront of the board, probably you'd think I'm pathetic but I couldnt hold it any longer. Last yr when i stood infront of the board, I didnt cry, I bared with this sadness for a year now, and today standing infront there seeing what I've seen again, my heart just told me to let it out, and so I did. Truthfully, I wasnt satisfied, if you've seen what I've seen written there, you would have agree with what I say here today...

My hardwork and efforts are just plain wasted. Now all its left is a piece of plain paper, no more written things b'coz u erased them from me. you gave me no hope, you gave me no opportunity and the only thing you gave me was a piece of paper saying, back to square one. Well guess what, I HATE IT! Back to square one? you want me to prove to you that by spending another year in there could bring my spirit up to work even harder? you're wrong, you din bring my anger up to work harder instead you bring my anger towards hating you! you brought me down.

My life was never bright like it use to be since I've gone down. People underestimate you, people look down on you. And I bared with that.

They always tell you that you'll thanked them one day. well, here. THANK YOU for giving me no hopes.

If ya'll are going to say i'm pathetic? go ahead, b'coz u will nvr understand...

I just hope no one ever have to go through the path I've gone through. Devastating is what i can tell you.