Route 66

Sometimes we are put in a place whereby we need to decide between what is needed and what is desired. Dilemma.

You are at the age whereby everything is now left at your hands. No parents. No family. No friends. Just you. Well, that is a little far fetch but technically it is all up to you, not them. You are the one living your life, not them. – I meant decision making if you have been misled.

People who wishes their parents would lay their hands off them – rethink.

Regardless of the dilemmas that I am facing, their reply would be,”It is your decision. You are the one that knows what is best for you. You are the one living it.” Haha. How much of the opposite for most. At times I am glad, at times I just wish someone would direct me. Tell me what I should be doing instead of leading my own path. Nevertheless, I am always thankful that they would give me a pep talk on every dilemma that I am facing, leaving only the decision making up to me.

In only 7 weeks, I have made more decisions on every details more than I ever did the last few years.

Even the thought of deciding your supervisors. Major choice, I might add. It is life or death – a year long commitment. Well, pardon the dramatics but yeah, major graduating factor. 

It is an accomplishment, in my record. Anyhow, cheers to a new semester of the final year of tertiary education.

Listening to Bee Gees at this hour is soothing. Good old days – Old soul, young age. Oh, beats me.

Rachel. T

So here I am, at 12.38am, sipping a cup of good malaysian coffee. Bad idea. Apologies on the hiatus again.

Always the tendency to get carried away with life till I forget this little pad that have served me well over the years.

Shall do a tiny little update to get this pad up and running again. Got to find some inspiration to write. So much yet so hard to construct them into words.

I have been getting ready for so many farewells to come. There goes my social network. Reducing little by little till someday, there will only be me in this bubble of mine.

Regrettably, I haven’t been able to properly express my thoughts and feelings as well as affections to some very very very close friends of mine who have been there for me through it all. Forgive me for I am lacking in the field of expressing emotions. People like me tend to distance myself when intimacy hits my “getting too close” radar.

Considering I had a securely attached childhood, or so I thought, to repel close intimacy would defy the nature of one. Though of course, I am trying hard to rectify that. I sound like the engineer of my own feelings instead of trying to overcome it with actual actions. To use the word – rectify, it did not even occur to me till I stopped to re-read what I have written prior.

Anyhow, the so called summer break had already begun 4 weeks ago and yet I have not gotten my hands on the books that I have bought early this year from Big Bad Wolf. All I have been thinking and working towards the last four weeks was all World Mental Health Day.

I wake up to it, eat to it, travel to it, live to it, sleep to it and even dream to it. I keed. I still am enjoying my minimal time that I have of the holidays and savoring it. The process is satisfying and fulfilling. Not one second of the past four weeks that I would want to take back.

Oh wells. I am off to dream of world mental health day again and I welcome it :)

Good Night.

Rachel. T

“We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.”
― J.K. Rowling

 

Yes, yes. It’s me becoming an Official Adult & entering the Adulthood category. Yay !

It is a day whereby you celebrate a miracle.

It is a day whereby you celebrate a new life.

It is a day whereby you thank your parents for the great life they have given you.

It is a day whereby you live like a queen (24 hours).

It is also a day to reflect upon yourself.

Therefore, in my 21 years of life, I have lived a life with no regrets.

I have lived a life filled with love and to the fullest.

I have lived a life with meaning.

I am only now at the beginning of my long awaiting journey.

I am thankful and grateful to be surrounded by a warm loving family and friends who stood by me through my ups and downs.

Here I am, stepping into a new light of being an Adult.

Though of course, I’d yet still love to feel like a child at heart ;)

Nevertheless, Thank you to awesome family and friends for showering me with love and care on this very special day ! <3

Love,

the girl who finally turned 21.

Cheers !

“Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.”
― Albert Einstein

The phrase when you fall down, the most important is you do not admit defeat and pick yourself back up, may sound easier said than done. People always ponder on the past mistakes. The What If’s.

There’s so much bottled up over the past several weeks that it led to frequent nightmares, frequent in between wake up’s during the night, cold sweat & etc. It’s starting to take a toll on concentration and priorities.

If you’re in this line, does it mean you have to be good at keeping it in and finding ways to overcome it or to let it out and cry for help ? Like a pokerface. I am starting to wonder if I chose the right path. Everyday telling yourself in the mirror to face your fears, don’t overthink things, don’t harbor negativity & pessimism.

Tough isn’t my middle name no more. I feel like I am about to hit a brick wall soon. It’s not easy to wonder everyday and think of the possible negativity and bad news coming along with it.

I’m not giving up. I’m just losing hope and faith, not in the world but myself. Call it the Gen-Y if you will but I’m just too tired inside out to see it otherwise. Mentally, it’s exhausting and unhealthy. Just want to get this over with.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

It feels like ages since I have last posted about something, oh wait ? Maybe it really is.

5 months.

I feel like a boat without a sailor
I go where the wind blows
Just moving around like a lonesome stranger
I got no home

In search of a treasure
Some place I don’t know
It feels like forever
I’m making my way
Through the hills and deserts
I thirst for hope

I don’t know
What I’m looking for
But I’ll know
When I find it

There is a missing beat
Inside of me
The rhythm of my heart
Hits unevenly
There’s a missing piece
Inside of me

Trying to figure it out
But it amounts to nothing
I want to realize
But nothing I find
Ever feels like the real thing
Can you empathize?

I don’t know
What I’m looking for
But I’ll know
When I find it

I’m lost inside
A cold bitter world
I can’t understand the need
It’s makes it so hard to breathe

- David Choi

Got to hand it to him for a great song that speaks my life through that 5 months. There you go. Listen while reading the lyrics ! Beautiful song ;)

Oh. Happy Mother’s Day ! Thank you for 2 decades of love and more to come <3

“You've got to find yourself first. Everything else will follow.”
― Charles de Lint

Rachel. T

Though I may not be into writing resolutions, I thought just like everyone else, I should atleast write 2012 highlights that have helped me shun this supposedly “introverted” character into a rather more “extroverted” character. Writing resolutions have no meaning for me because it doesn’t function the way it does for me than it probably would for others. Instead of dwelling into trying to make it all happen, I would rather take it as it comes and note out achievements by the end of the year. An element of surprise ;)

 

Future Music Festival Asia 2012 with just the best companies from University! Much love.

Words cannot describe how much these people above have changed my life and perspective. Priceless. Irreplaceable.

Major respect.

Friends made along the journey

 

Without these six people in the above 3 pictures, I don’t think I would be where I am today. Thank you for walking through thick and thin with me throughout these few years!

  

Amazing friends made along the journey of university life in the above 3 pictures. Thank you for making Year 1 and early Year 2 a breeze, educating, warmth and full of joy. Much love <3

  A group of youth whom I spent the last days of 2012 with. Thank you for a great weekend of fun and laughter.

Happy New Year! and a Warm Welcome To 2013! ;)

You learn a lesson, understand its value, embrace its worth and take it beyond your wildest imagination. A lifetime resolution.

- Rachel. T

Apologies on the belated post, finally had the time since WMHD’s curtain call to sit and write this post.

Everybody has a story to tell and this is my story…

As those who have been keeping tabs on the latest news, you would have known that HELP World Mental Health Day 2012 has finally drawn its curtains on the 28th of October, 8.30pm @ The Curve! It was an incredible journey with just the greatest people that you could have ever crosspath with.
For this great experience, I’d have to thank an awesome friend of mine who introduced me to WMHD ; Christine! and from then on, the rest is history.

Starting off with the WMHD’s first hype! A time when everyone was working as one to achieve an impossible goal of reaching 1000 in just 6-7 hours, but impossible turned possible when we made it just before the day ends! :)

HELP World Mental Health Day 2012 Facebook Page, Like and follow us on our journey!
https://www.facebook.com/HELPWorldMentalHealthDay?fref=ts



Above are only a short part of the journey that we’ve been through and worked hard to achieve, there’s so much to say that I think one post wouldn’t be enough. This journey got me bruises, cuts, all parts of the body aches, sweat, FRIENDS <3, talking to strangers, making phone calls to universities and high schools, and lastly tears of joy. I don’t think I’d ever come close to being part of something so phenomenal again thus I would like to say THANK YOU to WMHD Organizing Team for a great experience, love, warmth and awesome friendships. Credits to the Board of Directors (students) for their massive hardwork, this wouldn’t have worked out and so perfectly done without them! <3
Photo and Video credits to ; WMHD Organizing Team & HELP World Mental Health Day, Hui Ting.

(World Mental Health Day Mission)
(Operation ONLINE FLASH MOB)
Hey Malaysia & our International friends!
Today is 10th October 2012!!
It's the actual date of our global World Mental Health Day!

So as a sign of support, we invite all of you to change your profile picture to the picture attached in this post :)
It says "I support World Mental Health Day 10.10.12"
This mission, should you choose to accept,
will only last for 1 day (10th October 2012)
It starts now :)
After which, you may change back your original profile pic.
Malaysia + world,
let's make this Online Flash Mob a H.U.G.E success!! :)
Let's pull this together! :)
Let the party begin!

(“,)

There goes 5 weeks of the beginning of Year 2.

My ‘first’ of the many more firsts to come finally happened today; Passing up an assignment on the dot of the deadline. Never have I had to run 4 flights of stairs and across the street just to hand in an assignment on time to avoid a deduction of 2%. Wouldn’t really say it is a good experience neither do I ever intend to let history repeats itself.

Another ‘first’ of the many more firsts; Washing hell load of cars. Yes, I have not wash a single car in my 20 years of life. Bite me.

Last week’s World Mental Health Day General Meeting inspired me to blog after a hiatus, all due to a mini session “Paint yourself”. Ultimately, the choice to life is ours to make. If we choose to be happy, we will be happy. If we choose to be sad, we will be sad. If problems were to arise everyday, how will you choose to confront it? I will conquer it with a happy face so I wouldn’t need botox by the time I hit 40 ;)

Just the beginning of year 2 and everyday is a battlefield, rushing for one assignment after another as well as preparing for the so called “surprise” pop quiz. Wasn’t really a surprise after the first week but you get the picture.

On a lighter note, it’s the month of october! All my favorite past time tv series and reality show are coming back on!

Fringe Season 5 : The Final Season

Got my hands on the first episode, gotta say I wasn’t really buying the story yet but staying tune and hoping for the chill down my spine I got from all previous 4 seasons! Fight for the future reminds me of The X-Files : Fight The Future, season 1 was pretty similar to x-files if I recall correctly. Worth watching.

Criminal Minds Season 8

First episode was better than I hoped for, afterall when have I not love any episodes of criminal minds. Some was mind blowing! If you’re into profiling behaviors, this is the show for you ;)

Dexter Season 7

After 6 seasons, she finally found out! Who? not going to spoil it for you. First episode lived up to my expectations, can’t wait for the second one!

Gossip Girl Season 6 : The Final Season

After One Tree Hill ended, this was the next best thing on CW aside from TVD. Some light teen drama to soothe the week after 3 heavy tv series above but I gotta say, it’s pretty addictive. Got to send my thanks to a fellow best friend for getting me hooked on to this. Thanks Amanda! :)

The Vampire Diaries Season 4

Though I am not a huge fan of vampire storylines but it was good enough to keep me watching.

The X-Factor USA

Way better than American Idol. I think I lost interest ever since Simon Cowell left his judge position. Anyhow, he is in X-Factor and the new panel of judges are to watch for. Saw a few favorites in the last two weeks, hope they made it through!

Till next time! Teehee!

“The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.”

 - Eminem

Rachel. T

Hello Holidays!

It's been a week since exams were over but it was only this week that I finally had the chance to sit around
relaxing. Why? all dedicated to World Mental Health Day! Last whole week was full of fun and excitement!

I can now cross off "Participate in a Flashmob" off the bucket list.

Anyways, this few days been surfing the net on the search for some good-not-so-mainstream songs.
Shall share the list with ya'll.

I Believe - Brooke Annibale
Changes - Jack Savoretti
Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye - Michael Logen
Never Let Me Go - Florence + The Machine
Breaking The Rules - Jack Savoretti
Losing Your Memory - Ryan Star
Hate & Love - Jack Savoretti ft. Sienna Miller
Under Streetlights - Brooke Annibale
Us Against The World - Coldplay

Enjoy! Back soon to update the playlist!


Rachel. T

In such a good mood at the moment. 


Did I mention that tomorrow is the first paper for the end semester? I didn't? Well now you know.


I can't wait for the week to end and start the holidays with a bang!


So much to look forward to for the next 2 months. It's like an adrenaline rush just thinking about it.


Network. Do you realize that the probability of you bumping into the people you're intimidated by, despise for no reason, fearful of, or perhaps a love rival is rather larger than normal? 


Based on personal experience, happened to share a class or so with this one person and was fairly intimidated due to first impression. Not that it mattered since we have not spoken a word to each other nor have we even made a single eye contact throughout that year. Making judgment just like any passerby during the free time. 


A year later, this person appears infront of you again. Second impression = no impact and no contact. 


Soon after, participates in the same society as you are and happens to make the first verbal communication with you. Third Impression = Impact and wrong judgment. 


Funny how our network functions. What's even funnier is that this person that I was intimidated by is now in my contact book! Life changes your perception of others in a very interesting manner. 


Ever wondered how a crush of yours that you've never even spoken a word to nor made any eye contact with you ends up becoming friends with you and even exchanging contact details? Still boggles my mind. 


Never really did experienced that but would like to check the stories out. Seems intriguing. Need to prove this theory of others. Social and business communication is making my head go all haywire to the point I'm even writing about communication and network here! Oh well, hope it got you wondering too!




Till then,


Rachel. T

I thought I should show some courtesy to this blog after a long month of absence. It's times like this when I can finally catch my breath and figure how I want to compose this masterpiece : Study break. Yes, this is the time when I actually have tons to write about rather than hitting the books like every student should be doing.  It's nice to return to the blog and feel like so much has happened in the past month since the last post. 


Oh yes, I am officially in the big "too old" club! Thank you for the grand welcome. Cheers!


So, let's see.. Checklist.


I've gone back to soup kitchen [Check] again for another volunteer session and it was magnificent. Honestly it wasn't easy organizing this event especially when it requires two parties. However, the outcome was great so it was all worth it. 


I've visited the Hospital Bahagia [Check]. Fascinating. Enough said. Gave me a clearer picture of my future perspectives. 


Currently involved in the World Mental Health Day [Check]. It gives me a sense of fulfillment. There's no right phrase to describe it but working and meeting with the people in this team feels like an honor. Very interesting and committed people that challenges you to attempt beyond your capabilities and the impossible. WHMD also provides a perfect platform for me to tap into my inner passion to help others who can't help themselves or refuse to seek the help they need. To create awareness and to educate people about the importance of being able to detect the symptoms of depression and suicidal in them and the people around them. 


Parenting one tree, Educating one human. That's all it takes to expand. 


Assignments [Check]. Officially done with assignments for this final semester of Year 1. Gosh, Year 2 is approaching! Gasp! Shall enjoy my holidays to the fullest once I'm done with my last paper in two weeks time!


Shall sign off and place full focus on the books.. not facebook. No, really. You should too.



Till then.


Rachel. T

HAH! twice in a week. I must be officially lifeless. All the plans and dreams in my head that I’ve planned during finals to do after finals are all diminished. Now I’m totally just lazing around turning into a couch potato. Drama after drama. LOL. Totally drama-fied.

I should get started on “Secret Garden”. Still wondering what’s the hype about it.

Hyun Bin is the main reason why I’m tuning in. So yummy.

Now that One Tree Hill is officially wrapped up for good. I’m going through withdrawal symptoms, boohoo! No more thursdays dose of teen drama ANYMORE! No more getting to know new music artists too. Took up 9 years of my teenager life but totally worthwhile! :)

Latest addiction : Fringe !

Every episode never fails to amaze me. It’s phenomenal and superbly intelligent. Mind boggling, enuff said.

“You did jump Universes twice to save my life, must count for something.”

- Peter Bishop

Time to run off for another drama. Ciao.

 

Rachel. T

I am so afraid of failures. To think that after facing so many adversities over the past few years, it would have made me brave enough to handle what comes next, however that doesn’t seem to be the case. I just can’t lose no more. One part of me believes that I made the right choice, another part of me doesn’t seem as convinced as the other. Sometimes I try to picture the possibilities. Sometimes I just want to believe and see that ray of hope waiting for me at the end of the road. You know that feeling that you get when you thought you did well enough for your exams but the end result shows otherwise? The feeling of a solid rock glued to your heart pressing it down like the weight of the world.

That’s not the case though I tried to use it as a metaphor but that’s just how I’ve been feeling lately. There’s so many factors that contributed to it. I want to be able to say that I’ll be just fine, but will I be lying if I said that? Why must I confront my own fears? No matter how confident a person is, one minor setback will change your world. I know mine did. For better, for worse, beats me. Still trying to figure what I want to be, who I want to be. Should I conclude this is identity crisis?

So, what comes next?

 

“It's worth nothing if you can't knock down the shot”

I will make that shot.

One moment, you have just celebrated your 6th birthday.

The next, entered primary school.

Sat for PMR.

Entered High School.

Sat for SPM.

Entered College.

Received graduation letter and informed to attend convocation.

Entered degree.

For the one millionth time, Time flies by just like the wind. So very quickly, it has been 20 years in just a blink of an eye. I foresee the next few years, I will be adding so much more to that list above.

I look forward to the day when that list will come to an end. Whenever, where ever it might be, I’ll welcome it with open arms, live with no regrets, enjoy every moment, cherish every memory, smile through every darkness and share every happiness.

Don’t forget, you have one life. Live it.

“The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.”

- Mulan

 

Rachel. T

So very quickly it has already been 49 days since we’ve had to go through a tough transition after losing someone so very dear to our hearts and life. It was harder than to decide a career path, I might add. Perhaps you could say that a life is as fragile as a glass cup. Each an every cup has its own value and sentiments to it. How you view the cup, how you decide to hold it, how you wash it.. in the end, it all matters. Anyways, I don’t think I am making any more sense through this so called metaphor of mine.

I guess songs really do affect a person’s emotions. Now that I’ve changed the playlist, my mood changed too. Muahahaa. It’s been a while since I had someone asking me why and how I came upon my courage and decision to take up something so different in my line of studies. How should I put it? There’s no way to avoid confusion. It’s inevitable to avoid being lost. I can truly tell you that in the end, you’d somehow find the path that you’re meant to take. I enjoyed the period where I was lost and confused, because it made me search for something beyond my comfort zone. Courage is another issue, having to search for your future is one thing but having to take that courage to pursue the path that you’ve decided on is one of the hardest move. For instance, not only do you have to think about your ability to handle that course but also the means of your family and their approval.

That itself was my challenge and I welcome it. What is life without challenge? No life is meaningful without a challenge and purpose. Shall bum in another time. Gotta save the writing energy for my 10 pages of an assignment. YAY! Good night!

Rachel. T

While I was busy “spring cleaning” on fb, happened to catch a glimpse of my own blog url, only to realized that I’ve totally forgotten about the existence of this page. Anyways, perfect timing to be posting on the last day of the year. I don’t really fancy writing resolutions because I get depressed when it’s never fulfilled. So, I’m going do a reflection post rather than the usual resolution post.

This year has been a year filled with learning in general. Ending college and starting university life was a massive change and I totally enjoyed the process of it. After transferring to a new university, It’s safe to say I feel much more at home. Though I love the people that I met back in college but somehow it doesn’t feel like home as of course due to the language barrier. Nevertheless, they taught me and have shown me alot which have changed the way I view certain things in life. Thanks buddies! ;)

Wow, university life is just wow! I’m just glad I’ve found what I love to do, living it, and enjoying every single minute of it. I’ve also found a family that made me feel right at home, however still in the midst of getting to know each and every one of them well. On the contrary, coping with studies seem to be getting harder day by day, with the continuous load of assignments, activities and youth issues. I am managing. Enough said. Shall write in again soon.

Note : This was supposedly due dec 31st, however due to my laziness, I’ve only finished typing it out today.

Anyhow, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND A WARM WELCOME TO 2012!

Rachel.

It’s fair to say that I’ve been living like a princess for the past 19 years of my existence. They say picture says a thousand words. How many a time do we actually listen to what’s said? To think that I’d understand how one feels at that very second or what is trying to display, I was wrong. I may have felt what the picture wants me to feel but it didn’t last for more than 24 hours.

These past 5 weeks was the most rewarding and fulfilling that has ever been in the 19 years of my existence. I dare say I’ve witness the reality of life. It was an eye opener and a trigger to a stronger motivation. However, due to the policy to protect the identity of these amazing people, I cannot post up pictures but I can perhaps only upload just the address. I guess it’s for you to find out and witness what I’ve witnessed.

I’ve promised to devote my holidays to volunteer as much as I can. So whoever that has my contact, ring me up if you’re interested! Preferably mid-dec to early jan : )

By far, I think Soup Kitchen would be the best place to bring friends along as it is a light and fun volunteering. Of course that’s if your purpose is to bond with your friends and help the unfortunate simultaneously. I wouldn’t recommend the rest that I’ve been involved in due to heavy workload and required a great amount of skills which possessed a rather dark aura if you’re not well prepared.

See ya’ll after finals! best of luck to all ;)

“Poor and content is rich, and rich enough.”

- William Shakespeare

Rachel. T

People say it’s harmful to dream big. I say it’s not. Dreaming big takes courage. Dreaming big will get you somewhere. Dreaming big means motivation.

Trust me, I dream insanely big. So much so, My parents are worried that if I were to encounter a failure somewhere in the near future, I might just hit rock bottom. To me, it’s motivation. I feel a sense of accomplishment. Everyday I come across someone who tells me, he or she wants to do great things, or that they want to reach great heights in career, all these challenged me to pursue further in life.

I sacrificed alot in order to get to where I am today. I gave in almost all that I dreamt of when I was completing my foundation in college. It’s true, I was upset to have to throw them all away but in return I was given the opportunity to explore a side of myself that I’ve never seen. This itself made up for everything that I’ve lost in that timeline.

I’m not saying I’m satisfied but I’m saying that every little thing that comes along your way will make a huge difference in the way you see your future self. Opportunities that I’ve never dreamt of seeing, yes, I am seeing it now. Maybe this is how it’s suppose to be. I’m ambitious, to the extend that I can no longer see reality. And here, reality decided to hit me hard to bring me back to the floor. However, from this lesson, I’ve managed to open this closed eyes and see great things waiting for me along this path. I’m ready to walk this journey.

Open your damn eyes. I did. Now, I see remarkable things.

Rachel.

I spent 15 minutes staring at this blank page wondering what to write. I realized it’s been almost a month since I’ve last published a post, and I’ve been way too busy to publish even a single post. Yes, I’ve began my course, and I’ve settled down. Finally able to catch a breath from all the hectic schedule.

I guess the purpose of opening this page is because I needed a place to release my unknown frustrations. I feel lost. I feel like I do not have a direction. The fact that I know what I want to do yet feel utterly lost is something I don’t know how to deal.

I don’t need a friend to talk to. I’m not in the mood to have a heart to heart talk. What I really need is a corner somewhere to hide myself in for a couple of days. That’s what I need. But that’s not what I’ll get, unfortunately. Thus, the only way is to come here. My perfect hideout. Technically, it’s ironic since it’s published out into the public but to me, it’s a form of releasing stress through writing.

Everything seems planned beforehand, yet I don’t why I’m missing a piece of me somewhere. How is it someone with such a simple mind, such naive character is able to lead a perfect happy life while someone with such a complicated mind, such intelligent character, isn’t able to create that perfect happy life that should have been. Haven’t you ever wonder? Does it ever cross your mind?

How is it that the less educated ones are able to seek the answer to happiness while the more educated ones always finding ways to get that such simple, very simple answer. Why?

“It doesn't matter how long we may have been stuck in a sense of our limitations. If we go into a darkened room and turn on the light, it doesn't matter if the room has been dark for a day, a week, or ten thousand years -- we turn on the light and it is illuminated. Once we control our capacity for love and happiness, the light has been turned on.”

- Sharon Salzberg

Rachel.