Route 66

Page 228 - Andante

2012-01-07T01:30:00.001+08:00

While I was busy “spring cleaning” on fb, happened to catch a glimpse of my own blog url, only to realized that I’ve totally forgotten about the existence of this page. Anyways, perfect timing to be posting on the last day of the year. I don’t really fancy writing resolutions because I get depressed when it’s never fulfilled. So, I’m going do a reflection post rather than the usual resolution post.

This year has been a year filled with learning in general. Ending college and starting university life was a massive change and I totally enjoyed the process of it. After transferring to a new university, It’s safe to say I feel much more at home. Though I love the people that I met back in college but somehow it doesn’t feel like home as of course due to the language barrier. Nevertheless, they taught me and have shown me alot which have changed the way I view certain things in life. Thanks buddies! ;)

Wow, university life is just wow! I’m just glad I’ve found what I love to do, living it, and enjoying every single minute of it. I’ve also found a family that made me feel right at home, however still in the midst of getting to know each and every one of them well. On the contrary, coping with studies seem to be getting harder day by day, with the continuous load of assignments, activities and youth issues. I am managing. Enough said. Shall write in again soon.

Note : This was supposedly due dec 31st, however due to my laziness, I’ve only finished typing it out today.

Anyhow, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND A WARM WELCOME TO 2012!

Rachel.

Page 227 – Angels Flying Too Close To The Ground

2011-11-18T18:11:00.001+08:00

It’s fair to say that I’ve been living like a princess for the past 19 years of my existence. They say picture says a thousand words. How many a time do we actually listen to what’s said? To think that I’d understand how one feels at that very second or what is trying to display, I was wrong. I may have felt what the picture wants me to feel but it didn’t last for more than 24 hours.

These past 5 weeks was the most rewarding and fulfilling that has ever been in the 19 years of my existence. I dare say I’ve witness the reality of life. It was an eye opener and a trigger to a stronger motivation. However, due to the policy to protect the identity of these amazing people, I cannot post up pictures but I can perhaps only upload just the address. I guess it’s for you to find out and witness what I’ve witnessed.

I’ve promised to devote my holidays to volunteer as much as I can. So whoever that has my contact, ring me up if you’re interested! Preferably mid-dec to early jan : )

By far, I think Soup Kitchen would be the best place to bring friends along as it is a light and fun volunteering. Of course that’s if your purpose is to bond with your friends and help the unfortunate simultaneously. I wouldn’t recommend the rest that I’ve been involved in due to heavy workload and required a great amount of skills which possessed a rather dark aura if you’re not well prepared.

See ya’ll after finals! best of luck to all ;)

“Poor and content is rich, and rich enough.”

- William Shakespeare

Rachel. T

Page 226 – Time For Miracles

2011-10-09T02:03:00.001+08:00

People say it’s harmful to dream big. I say it’s not. Dreaming big takes courage. Dreaming big will get you somewhere. Dreaming big means motivation.

Trust me, I dream insanely big. So much so, My parents are worried that if I were to encounter a failure somewhere in the near future, I might just hit rock bottom. To me, it’s motivation. I feel a sense of accomplishment. Everyday I come across someone who tells me, he or she wants to do great things, or that they want to reach great heights in career, all these challenged me to pursue further in life.

I sacrificed alot in order to get to where I am today. I gave in almost all that I dreamt of when I was completing my foundation in college. It’s true, I was upset to have to throw them all away but in return I was given the opportunity to explore a side of myself that I’ve never seen. This itself made up for everything that I’ve lost in that timeline.

I’m not saying I’m satisfied but I’m saying that every little thing that comes along your way will make a huge difference in the way you see your future self. Opportunities that I’ve never dreamt of seeing, yes, I am seeing it now. Maybe this is how it’s suppose to be. I’m ambitious, to the extend that I can no longer see reality. And here, reality decided to hit me hard to bring me back to the floor. However, from this lesson, I’ve managed to open this closed eyes and see great things waiting for me along this path. I’m ready to walk this journey.

Open your damn eyes. I did. Now, I see remarkable things.

Rachel.

Page 225 – I Should Be Lost Without You

2011-09-18T23:41:00.001+08:00

I spent 15 minutes staring at this blank page wondering what to write. I realized it’s been almost a month since I’ve last published a post, and I’ve been way too busy to publish even a single post. Yes, I’ve began my course, and I’ve settled down. Finally able to catch a breath from all the hectic schedule.

I guess the purpose of opening this page is because I needed a place to release my unknown frustrations. I feel lost. I feel like I do not have a direction. The fact that I know what I want to do yet feel utterly lost is something I don’t know how to deal.

I don’t need a friend to talk to. I’m not in the mood to have a heart to heart talk. What I really need is a corner somewhere to hide myself in for a couple of days. That’s what I need. But that’s not what I’ll get, unfortunately. Thus, the only way is to come here. My perfect hideout. Technically, it’s ironic since it’s published out into the public but to me, it’s a form of releasing stress through writing.

Everything seems planned beforehand, yet I don’t why I’m missing a piece of me somewhere. How is it someone with such a simple mind, such naive character is able to lead a perfect happy life while someone with such a complicated mind, such intelligent character, isn’t able to create that perfect happy life that should have been. Haven’t you ever wonder? Does it ever cross your mind?

How is it that the less educated ones are able to seek the answer to happiness while the more educated ones always finding ways to get that such simple, very simple answer. Why?

“It doesn't matter how long we may have been stuck in a sense of our limitations. If we go into a darkened room and turn on the light, it doesn't matter if the room has been dark for a day, a week, or ten thousand years -- we turn on the light and it is illuminated. Once we control our capacity for love and happiness, the light has been turned on.”

- Sharon Salzberg

Rachel.

Page 224 – Go Your Own Way

2011-08-14T16:54:00.001+08:00

All you need is one person to stumble and trigger that light in you.

One night, someone did that.

Right now, here I am.

In the coming journey, I will be fulfilling a future predestined by the palms of my own hands.

No one could have foreseen this immense satisfaction that would outflow and overshadow all thoughts.

In a nutshell. I’m overwhelmed with joy.

Just needed to make a clarification and no, I don’t plan on offending any believers.

God didn’t decide my future for me, I did.

God didn’t give me what I wanted, I earned it.

God didn’t give me the grades I dreamt, I worked my ass off almost every night.

God only help me cleared my muddled thoughts and created a pathway for I can decide on the journey at hand.

God only gave the courage and wisdom to decide on my own.

And, my prayers were answered.

I didn’t ask God for good grades, for a future, or for pleasure.

I only asked God for courage to pursue my dream without fear,

Wisdom, to achieve my utmost desires,

and faith, to believe in me, myself and I.

“A man sooner or later discovers that he is the master-gardener of his soul, the director of his life.”
- James Allen

Rachel. T

Page 223 – Open Your Eyes

2011-08-01T00:24:00.003+08:00

HAH! blogging for the 2nd time this month. A post to commemorate the end of July. Pardon for the previous post, in the midst of a sudden despair. Lol. It sounds like a mere joke typing it out.
So yes, as everyone out there who knows, I’m still deciding on my courses. What a twinge.
Lately, it’s all about figuring what’s right and what’s not. It must be my luck, I’ve been seeing signs everywhere I go.
Just like today, bummed into a mute while cashing my items out. Turns out he left an item by the cashier by mistake and walked off, I had to run after him for quite some time before I actually caught sight of him again, I love the look of gratefulness on his face, It made me so happy although it was the right thing to do.
That feeling of satisfaction, I believe I now know what I want to pursue. I believe I’ve made my choice right up here. The smallest micro-expression, even if it’s just for a second, makes a huge difference. I am genuinely contented. It’s not like when you received a present or finishing a project on time, those happiness don’t last a lifetime nor will it be engraved into you. However, the smallest thing that you do for others, it need not be done with money, just sincerity, this itself last a long time.
In a nutshell, I want to feel this again : )

"When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit."

- Unknown

Page 222 – A Mind With A Heart Of It’s Own

2011-07-24T00:14:00.002+08:00

“A tragedy need not have blood and death; it's enough that it all be filled with that majestic sadness that is the pleasure of tragedy.”
- Jean Racine

It’s sad that some people don’t get a second chance in life.
It’s sad that some people have to fall to grasp the meaning of courage.
It’s sad that my future seems to be predestined.
It’s sad that the only contribution from me would be money.
It’s sad to be the outcast.
But this is life and I have learnt to accept fate.
Is succession my main priority in life?
Can money buy me love and happiness?
What is the point of being intelligent?
What is the point of doing so much in order to impress?
In the end, nobody cares.
Nobody gives a damn.
I do. However, I do it for nobody but myself.
Today, this tears will be the last time I shed for this reason.

Page 221 - Let The Reigns Go Loose

2011-06-13T13:38:00.002+08:00

Kahlil Gibran once wrote; 'You're reason and your passion are the rudder.. and the sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burn to it’s own destruction.

I suppose it's time my blog deserves an update from the road. Technically, I've been a little out of touch with the social network and what's hype, so I'm just going to keep it short and sweet.

As of last night, we've finally welcomed a new member into our ever growing family! The wedding was amazing and it was lovely to see my grandmother's smile! A day where all estranged cousins and uncles, aunties come together to celebrate the joy of two lovely souls!

2 weeks back, took a trip down to sekinchan with a bunch of buddhist members for relaxation. Honestly, I had doubts about it, however by the end of the trip, it was amazing. The trip was a definite eye opener. Trust me, I experienced culture shock! haha. The fireflies was gorgeous! Totally different from what you read and see on teevee and internet. Food was 10/10! who knew they could cook scrumptious seafood! yummm!!

Anyways, this sums up all! short as I promised, right?? ;)
Finals is up soon, so i'll update a lil later in july! Have a great dayy!

Rachel.

Page 220 – Bitter Sweet Symphony

2011-04-07T22:51:00.001+08:00

John Steinbeck once wrote: 'Change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like the stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass." Looks like it has been a while since I last publish a post. Been busy preparing for my upcoming finals in about the next coming two weeks. Frustrations are running wild.

I guess the reason why I went on hiatus was because I was having troubles trying to control my emotions. I felt like if I were to blog about something, tons of things that I had suppressed for a good reason would have been blown out of proportions. It ain’t easy going around pretending like nothing happened. The only solution is to talk less, though that’s what I thought.

Sometimes I wondered if I was diagnosed with bipolar or something. Fluctuating mood swings, blehh. So yeah, I recently caught upon a trailer roaming by the sideline, it was an old movie, “Cruel Intentions”. Seems like a pretty good movie, probably gonna watch it after my finals. Though one quote from its movie caught my attention, “‎Enclosed is my most prized possession. My journal. For a long time I considered it my trophy. A sordid collection of my conquests. If you really want to know the truth then please read it. No more lies.” It’s just a partial of the quote. Just as “enclosed” is his most prized possession, my own journal is also my most prized possession. It’s like my entire life in there.

Though I may have stopped writing but it contains my past that I’ve yet to let go. Someday, I may let the one I love read it, or maybe not. I may just burn it away the moment I’m able to forgo my past, to let bygones be bygones. I’ve thought of making use of my journal for my little project but it’s just hard to use something so personal, to even let it out to the public, to have them pretend like they know what you’re going through, to sympathize you.

My parents till today have not gotten to see my little project because I cannot complete it. I’ve tried to put a fullstop to it, however after rounds of checks, I still found it incomplete and unreal. It doesn’t feel like me at all. More of just a make believe. I’ve so much yet I can’t pen it out on blank sheets. I don’t have the guts to do so. Shoot me.

Anyways, I should put a fullstop here. Goodnight!

Rachel. T

Page 219 - Sober

2011-03-23T12:06:00.001+08:00

What is the definition of friends? How are friends suppose to be ? How should being a friend feel ?

All these questions have been wandering around my bloody head for the past 2 weeks. I felt awful for feeling the way I felt, towards friends of mine. Sometimes I wonder, does being a friend means encouraging them to go for the best and discouraging them from falling into some deep dark shizz hole of anykind?

There's no doubt that I've tried to be the best of a friend anyone can have, but in return can anyone be that just for me? When I'm at the top, could you just be happy and proud for me? Should I have to suppress my happiness just so I don't offend you? Because I did. I tried to be understanding of your situation thus I kept that all to myself.

When I'm at the lowest period of my life, could you just shut your fly about how happy you've been and just be there to listen to mine? Because you didn't and I suppressed my dissatisfaction and put on a mask just so you didn't know I wasn't there to listen. Because It also ain't the first time you did such to me.

If you despise what I love doing with friends of mine who are on the same FM as me, then I'm sorry, you don't know me. I picked up that noble interest from them and I'm loving every single moment of it, because they brought light into my daily life.

When I wanted to do something out of the usual with my path, the first thing you said was "No, you shouldn't". I'm sorry, but that's not what I wanted to hear, that's when I needed you to be supportive of my decision, not shoot me down. I've never really gave much thought to how our friendship is, till recently. All you've done is discourage and preventing me from being the best I am and doing the best to achieve great heights with my life. All I've done is prevent you from doing ridiculous things and encourage you to look upon changing your lifestyle, if what I'm doing is wrong for you, then so be it.

I'm tired of listening to you rant about your life, BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU DO!

If I'm a terrible friend for not telling you what you're doing now is downright wrong, then you don't deserve to have me as a friend. Spare me the time I used to listen to you, so I can use it to listen to my other friends who have real problems and who atleast listen to mine at times when I need them the most.

If you're reading this, THANKS FOR BLOODY LISTENING FOR ONCE : )

"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."

- Salvador Dali

Page 218 – This World Will Turn Your Way

2011-03-05T18:28:00.001+08:00

As for some who knows, maybe just 3 so far, recently I’ve decided to make a drastic change in my career path after getting rejected for the next intake. In a way, it’s a blessing in disguise for I now realized that I’ve been given much more time on the clock. Though it is still ticking away. After getting rejected, I thought long and hard about what I want to be, who I want to be, and how I want people to see me as. Drafting pros and cons helped alot hence the sudden change of course. Like this picture above, I don’t want to turn my back on what I love and have passion for. After yesterday’s volunteering gig, I found out that I love seeing the smiles on people’s faces, it lightens me up tremendously. In the end, to work your ass off to make your boss happy or to help turn the world around for people and see them happy? 1 for many or many for 1? That’s my conclusion.

Today, I decided, she’s not worth it all, my anger, my frustrations, my distractions, and my guilt. If unfixing it can do wonders, then I’ll let it be. I’ve had enough, the arguments, the fights. I’ve no longer feel the warmth in the household. Say, I’m not professional if I were to be on this career path, but if it helps me help others change theirs emotionally, it’s worth letting it go. I don’t wish to waste another second arguing my heart off.

ORCHID DAY!

Yesterday was one hell of an amazing day! It started off so-so but started picking up during lunch hours. I’ve met so many great people with the heart of an angel. To hear customers telling their stories was icing on the cake. Touching experiences. There’s nothing much left to say but, THANK YOU for your love and support. And shame on ignorants.

Toodles!

Rachel. T

Page 217 – It’s Not Too Late

2011-03-03T23:41:00.001+08:00

Orchids. Beautiful huh? Anyways, as I was twitting earlier about a fundraising event, here are the details for your understanding.

About Orchid Day

1) What is Orchid Day?

It is a day for us to show our love and support and to give hope to all women who are at risk of being afflicted with breast cancer.

2) What is the official date for Orchid Day?

Orchid Day officially falls on the first Friday through Saturday every March. The inaugural Orchid Day in 2010 fell on March 5, and ran throughout the weekend, up to March 8 (which is the International Women’s Day).

3) Why Orchid?

Orchid is generally regarded as the symbol of rare and delicate beauty besides exuding the charm of strength. Orchid is able to grow naturally in almost all climate which symbolically depicts a woman with breast cancer who lives through her diagnosis, treatment and ultimately, recovery despite all odds.

4) Where does my money go to?

The proceeds from Orchid Day will go towards funding BCWA’s work in providing and enhancing the psychosocial support for women affected by breast cancer, educating the public on breast health, equipping women with knowledge and awareness on breast self familiarisation, promoting public awareness on the support services provided by BCWA and lastly but not limited to, encouraging the public to show their support for women diagnosed with breast cancer.

Venue : Sunway Pyramid (LG, near Manhattan Fish Market)

Time : 10am-10pm

Hope to see you all there! And yes, it is for a good cause! : )

Rachel. T

Page 216 - Glad

2011-03-02T12:09:00.000+08:00

C.S. Lewis once said, "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival."

As I was looking into my 1339 text messages, I realized most of them recently was from HSD rather than my college or high school mates. I felt so out of touch with balance of friends. So I figured why not look into my cellphone's phonebook, and as I scroll down, there were tons of numbers but not one that I can really dial up and say "Hey, I've some issues, can we talk?" Probably just HSD friends.

Eversince I left HSD, I've been cut off some meeting times, and I got the chance to catch up with some old primary and high school friends, now when I look through my phonebook, there was atleast some out of youth friends that I can keep in touch with. I feel back in the game once again.

Don't get me wrong, I love HSD people, I really do. They were always there for me when I needed them, no doubt but sometimes I need someone that will advice me realistically rather than resort it back to buddhism. Maybe that's just me. Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood, all I want them to tell me is that it'll all be just fine, not go and chant it out.

Anyways, before I end this post, I have to take this opportunity to thank a dear friend. He was there for me when I needed a friend the most. I still remember the night, my dad came to me while I was IM-ing with him, and said, rach your mom is sad to see you sad too. *skip* what my dad said that night got me balling like no ones business and he was there to comfort me during my down times, all the late night calls and video calls. I owe him alot. Thanks Danny, for everything : )

Oh oh, since I'm stuck in coll till class begins at 1, spent some time listening to some good music. you should check it out!

1. Further - Long-View
2. What Is It To Burn - Finch
3. Rest In Pieces - Saliva
4. Glad - Tyler Hilton
5. Belief - Gavin Degraw
6. Glad To Be Alive - Low Flying Owls
7. Hang - Mojo Monkeys
8. Multiply - Forty Foot Echo

Rachel. T

Page 215 – Non Believer

2011-03-02T00:55:00.001+08:00

Helen Keller once said, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”

Maybe she’s right? maybe she’s not? But I won’t know the answer till I have tried what’s infront of me.

Someone asked me today, are you happy?

My answer was, I don’t know.

Maybe I really don’t know the answer or maybe I do somewhere deep down inside of me. However that sudden question caught me off guard. I’ve never really thought about it, the answer to my happiness.

I believe somewhere out there, some day, I’ll find my answer. For now, it’s just hopes and miracles.

We all need to believe in something.

Rachel. T

Page 214 – Yesterday Once More

2011-02-27T23:04:00.001+08:00

“Ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life-altering? Is it four years, like high school? One year? An eight-week walking tour? Can your life change in a month, or a week, or a single day? We're always in a hurry to grow up, to go places, to get ahead... but when you're young, one hour can change everything” – Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill.

Today, after a meet up with the head of departments, I sat in the car in silence. That 30 minutes journey home got me thinking alot, about my future prospects, financial, and my parents. It’s funny you should say, I’m only 19. At this age, I should be living my youth, not having to worry about all these problems at hand. Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost that child within me. The girl that shines when she’s happy, I’ve lost her. Now all that’s in that head of mine is how to work all these out and still be able to fulfill not only mine, but my parents’ dreams and expectations. I’m not a cat with nine lives, I only get one shot at life and I want it to be perfect. Right now, here I sit waiting for an answer that I hope will change my future. Is it wrong to try to be the best for yourself? Is it a self centered act?

I never wanted to do what I’m planning to do in the near future, but sometimes circumstances forbids me to be self centered. I don’t know if one day, I’ll come to the point where I’ll say that this is the choice I’ve regret making or instead I’ll use this to change lives. My parents’ practically imprinted this into my head, so much so, I’ve lost where my real interests really lies in. There’s this saying, “ You may not like what you’re doing, but you’re just damn good at it”. At the end of the day, is it really passion for the work that you love, or is it just money and stability? I definitely do not like what I’m about to get myself into, but unfortunately I suited it perfectly like macaroni and cheese.

Ahhh! So frustrating. I shall end the agony here. Good Night.

Rachel. T

Page 213 – Friends, Lovers or Nothing

2011-02-23T01:08:00.001+08:00

Yes, I'm blogging a little way more frequent than I should. With the long hours of break, class hours shortened.. you get the picture. Blogging is the only way to kill boredom. It workes my mind and uses my wild imaginations. Or so I think?

A while ago, I was returned my test 1. I managed to achieve a staggering 26/30. I said to myself, it's good enough. You've done your best, till I looked through my mistakes, and hell yes, one of which I did the steps but with NO answer written. I'm just that awesome. It cost me a mark. Bahh!

Moving on, about nearly a year ago after completing SPM, I decided to go round digging my parents’ mini library, books that they’ve collected during their University years in Canada. Books there were cheap, you see. Unlike now, each book costs about Rm 80-100 for original. So yeah, since they didn’t have the time to take me book shopping, I ransacked the mini library for some books and came upon “Flowers In The Attic” by V.C Andrews. Since it was very much recommended by my mum, knowing I’d not touch her Mills and Boons, I decided to give it a go. If I’m not mistaken it was published in 1979. It’s a series actually. It took me about a week or less before I ransacked for the 2nd book and soon the 3rd, and later after being much addicted, I realized my mum did not purchase the 4th and 5th book of the series. *screams*

Flowers in the Attic, the first of the series is one amazing book. The characters all possessed this dark aura that suits my taste. I would recommend you to give this book a try! Oh btw, if you’re curious, there’s also a movie made on this book, though I’d rather you read the book first if you’re really interested in catching the film. However, the movie did not do the book justice. 2/10.

"Facing financial destitution, Corrine decides to take her children to Foxworth Hall, her family home in Charlottesville, Virginia. She writes to her mother, Olivia, persuading her to let her and the children stay in the giant mansion. Olivia agrees as long as the children are hidden; she does not want their grandfather, Malcolm, to know about them. Corinne tells the children that her parents are very rich, but were upset with her as they were strong Christians and disowned her when she married her half uncle and so she has not seen them in years. She also relates that their grandfather is dying and if Corinne can earn back his love before his death, she will be the sole heir to a vast fortune. Corinne and her children take a train to a station in the middle of nowhere and walk the remaining distance to Foxworth Hall under cover of darkness." - Wikipedia

Petals On The Wind

If There Be Thorns

Seeds of Yesterday

Garden of Shadows

Still on the search for the 4th and the 5th book, found one or two copies on E-bay but unfortunately I’ve not any paypal account. Uwahh! Gotta sign up for one asap! Regardless the time period of the book, it doesn’t matter if it’s newly published or old, what counts is the content of the book. If you like dark and complicated, this is the one for you! Good Night!

“I think of us more as flowers in the attic. Paper flowers. Born so brightly colored, and fading duller through all those long grim, dreary, nightmarish days when we were held prisoner of hope and held captive by greed.”

– Flowers in the attic.

Page 212 - Falling Slowly

2011-02-18T02:39:00.002+08:00

Did you catch the 53rd Grammy Awards 2 nights ago? Did you know, Eminem won a ridiculous 2 awards out of his phenomenal 10 nominations? Uwaah, anyways, his performance featuring Dr. Dre and Rihanna was sensational! Youtube it.

Because he's hot like that.

Oh yeah, before I let this slip away again, YES, people! my post titles are actually song titles. Did you just notice that? The trick is to listen to the song while reading this post because I wrote them while listening to it, and it is sorta my inspiration/ feeling-at-the-time-being/ thoughts.. yeah something like that.

I'm feeling absolutely lifeless, checking FB every 5-10 mins, wondering if there's any other lifeless souls out there. Because I'm like that. Been listening to various versions of "Lean On Me", debating which is better. Boys 2 Men? Mitchel Musso? Morgan Freeman? At the same time, my left hand has been flying up and away from the keyboard every few secs trying to catch that mosquito that's been joyfully sucking my blood out of me. Geez.

I just realized that I have not touched a single novel in months and it's slowly killing me. I need to read. I need to feel alive. The glow you get for reading. Honestly, sometimes I'd prefer reading a novel on my bed by the window that without a doubt makes me happier than going out with my crazy over the top amazing friends. Yes, I chose that half of the room by the window over my sister. It's not exactly the way I picture it to be, by the sea, watching the sun rise and set everyday, laying your palms out the window feeling the gorgeous breeze but hey, a girl can dream : )

"There's no harm living in fantasy once in a blue moon", says Me.

My laptop's been down for almost a week plus after the death of my adapter, dang! thus I'm using the desktop to blog again. Without lappie, I've not read a single page of "The Lost Symbol" since. Ughh! Wait, did I say I have not touched a single novel in months? I kid. Technically not, cause I've been reading it via computer, there's no way to find your comfy corner to indulge in. Shucks.

Oh well. Good Morning!

Rachel.

"The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed."

- Eminem

Post 211 – This Town Ain’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us

2011-02-04T03:09:00.001+08:00

All the change for the better. Changing just one thing, changes everything. It is because of it, that I started the year 2010 with much light and confidence. Hopefully, this will be my answer to a great beginning.

It has been awhile since I pumped the volume up to Eminem’s soundtracks. Gorgeous. The reason why I believe many are so into him and his music is through his lyrics. Authenticity. It is his imperfection that drew me to his music. His different style of writing and approach only makes him the more indifferent from the rest of us. Relatable in so many ways that you can imagine.

Anyways, this post was set to be published a month ago, unfortunately was left drafted and hidden away. So yeah, Chinese New Year! Had my reunion dinner with my awesome family yesterday, it was rare to have everyone sitted on one particular table just to have a proper dinner. As we grew older, most of us grew apart yet some grew closer as we aged. I felt comfortable with my awesome cousins, I love seeing all the happy faces! Oh, my amazing grandmother! Even with her Alzheimer's Disease, nothing could stop her from the idea of raising her glass, initiating we all did the same. Do your grandmother blow kisses to you too?! hehehhe! Icing on the cake! Aside everything, she’s the main reason why we’re all home and together as a family.

The only one regret I have is not knowing my paternal grandfather who unfortunately passed away months before I was to be born, how I perceived him all these years are only based on words and stories told by my family, yet I’m glad he knew I existed and on the way to this great family. I’m only sorry we’ve not met. Hence the reason why I never failed to visit his urn every festive season.

Moving on, 1st day of CNY! headed to kaikan for CNY chanting and my oh my, the entertainment was brilliant! The sketch was hilarious! What more seeing your classmate up on the stage making you laugh? Soon after, it was time to return to my maternal side for lunch! Nothing beats homecook food! I love my grandma’s cooking, it has this homey feel to it. Can you feel the love? haha. She had to cook many rounds as many of my uncle’s friends attended as they do every year without fail just for my grandma’s cooking. It seems like every family are expanding! More and more kids this year! Oh my! Lastly, I’mma end the post for the night, gotta head off to my grandaunt’s place early later for some REAL hakka food! Wheeee can’t wait. Pardon for grammar and construction sentences. I’m dozing off. Nights!

Oh, and HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! : )

Rachel.

Page 210 - We R Who We R

2011-01-24T23:31:00.000+08:00

So yeah, back home from Malacca, still as tired even after long hours of sleep. Not to mention, I've to drag myself to classes, dang! My lecturer caught me! :O She claims I'm not enthusiastic for lessons today. Meh.

Anyways, I officially concluded another chapter of my life. It was one hell of an amazing chapter. What I've gained throughout this 3 years can never be put into words, of even how amazing all these people are and how much they truly meant to me, how they were always there for me, during the good and bad times : )

Since my classes ended early, and pretty much stuck in college till my mum decides it's time to finish work and pick her lovely daughter up, I'mma finish sharing what I had failed to share due to overwhelming emotions yesterday. haha. Personally, I thought my words were all mumbo jumbo, I was so choked up that I couldn't think nor construct proper sentences, all that floats in my head was "Rach, pull yourself together".

I don't have the slightest clue as to why I chose that event as my defining moment. Perhaps, in simple, It was a moment that shattered me into a million pieces and slowly patched them all back together. As I said before, people like me brought up in that kind of environment only forces me to overlook all emotions that everyone dubbed as "It will be your downfall". Thus, when taking charged in activities that I participated, even class projects, I always portray the strong and responsible yet unemotional one. Which is also the main reason why I was always chosen, whether I want to or not. All of these helped build up my ego and confidence.

Till 2010, I had not much idea as to how a pure disappointment felt. A time when you were not needed or felt like you were hopeless. It was all just too sudden, I thought I had everything going for me. During the period when I took up the part, it was as I said before, the lowest state of my life. Many nights I cry myself to sleep, not knowing why or how? I detoured from the path I thought I was heading. Everyone was so united that I felt, this is not where I belong, I shouldn't be the one soul that dragged them down, I tried many times to have the guts to pull out, which was a first for me, I don't believe in giving up because I always end what I started but this was one hell of a tough call to make.

On the shallow note, It doesn't matter what I say or write, because you knowing too much on what I had to go through was not necessary and only just the beginning and something I consider memorable. Hehe. Sorry! before much more misunderstanding arises, I shall stop at that. However, I'd just jump to the conclusion, I did end it all with a smile. During this ride, I'd consider myself very fortunate to come across 3 wonderful people that had endlessly helped me through it all. I assume you know who you are : ) THANK YOU!

Would I re-live this moment all over? YES, without a doubt. In a nutshell, life is full of surprises. You don't need me to share this story to prepare yourself. Just welcome it with open arms, and you'll see what I truly mean.

The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile.

- Plato

Page 209 - No BS

2011-01-19T12:38:00.000+08:00

Stuck in college with lenient timetable. This shucks. Due to being its first week of the sem again, things are moving rather slow and of course the long hours of break. Received news that by mid-sem, most probably would continue at the new campus in KL. Here comes the hassle to taking public transportations. The night before, parents were in a conversation about Education in the US, on Obama's new changes, though granted a year visa, international students have to leave the country by summer break. I guess my chances of heading to the US now is slimmer than ever. Anyways, since I'm much too free at the moment, currently indulging in some articles and blogs. Came across one that caught my attention, thought I might just share it with you : )

http://blog.voicesofyouth.org/?p=2811

Enjoy!

Rachel.

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”

- Bill Cosby

Page 208 - Dream Big

2011-01-17T12:57:00.000+08:00

It feels like the first day all over. The only thing different about today is that I'm all alone in this strange place I used to call my 2nd home. One of the biggest mistake I've committed is by not giving my best when I could have. I swore to myself that starting from today onwards, I'm making every second count.

Why am I so afraid of change? This isn't like me at all. I don't know if it was due to the incident last year which had nothing to do with me but was somehow unwillingly dragged into it. Either way, I have lost most of my guts and confidence to accept new change. During this past 5 weeks that I've been away from a large crowd of friends, I've thought alot about what I want to achieve, though it may just be a thought and a dream, but I dare to dream and that's the first step I'm taking.

Unfortunately, it takes 6 months to dream. Time is something I'm short of, I may have disappointed my parents, but their endless support towards me only made me even more guilty. All these burdens and disappointments are slowly piling up and no matter how much I try, it just gets heavier. However, I am perfectly able to draw a line between my dreams and reality, thus I am still capable to surviving this coming 6 months. May my hardwork pay off.

Shall head off to class. Cheerios!

Rachel.

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

- Anonymous

Page 207 – Dreaming With A Broken Heart

2011-01-02T22:18:00.001+08:00

2nd day into 2011. Some things are going well. Some things aren’t.

What?

Why?

How?

Who?

In the past 18 years of my life, I realized I have not done my duty as the oldest grandchild. Seeing the way my cousin move herself around my grandmother only awoken me to one thing. It is that, I have no idea how to look after my grandmother. When I saw her pale face, the 1st thing I did was panicked. All I could do was stand by one corner and watch. Knowing she wasn’t in perfect health yesterday, there was not a thing I could do, what is the point of getting so well educated yet not being able to handle such simple situation?

It was then, I felt like I’ve failed miserably.

Why is it so hard to show affections for the people I love and care for? I’m only dreaming with a broken heart. One day, I’m bound to regret it. Just like the lyrics in John Mayer’s song, giving up is the hardest part.

Without courage, wisdom bears no fruit.

- Baltasar Gracian

Page 206 – Tonight Is What It Means To Be Young

2011-01-01T05:29:00.001+08:00

How long can we stay this way?

How long can we enjoy this second?

How long before we have to say goodbye?

All these questions and thoughts has been flooding my mind all day long. Everyone has been writing about 2010. All the good and bad memories. Honestly, it is a joy and also a pain travelling down memory lane once more. It feels like I’m reliving it again. The sorrow all suddenly seem so vivid to me. No point wasting time getting all worked up anyways. I don’t plan to waste precious time being down.

At the very least, I can now say, I’ve made 2010 worth living. I’ve done the best I could to live the best I can. Everything began so well in the beginning of 2010, it gave me a ray of hopes for the latter part of the year or so I had thought.

No reason to bring up bad experiences. I suppose I’ll let the pictures do the 1000 words speech : )

Genting <3

Who knew this people could do wonders? <3 them all!

18th

Thanks Crztal! <3

Haha! OMG! Up the wall XD

Photography credits to : Jason, Danny & etc : )

I managed to survive my days are all thanks to the people in the pictures above : )

Sorry for the overloaded pictures in one post. Finally had the time to load ‘em all! hehe.

Last but not least,

Happy New Year! May it be an amazing 2011 for everyone! Cheers! : )))

Love, Rachel.

Page 205 - Grenade

2010-12-14T23:23:00.001+08:00

I like this song. Sing to it yet I've no clue what this song represents. However the title seems to fit my gloomy day. I'm not sure if it's just me or is it my surrounding? It's like the ups and downs in the sea of emotions. I'm usually pretty calm and collected. Or is it the anxiety while waiting for the news of my results?

Anyways, working on something I would like to call my story. Maybe being too indulge into the characters was a very bad idea. I tend to write tragic stories and I'm damn good in that area. I don't like happy endings because I .. nevermind.

A friend of mine did an interview questions, one of it which he answered, I won't deny that but I'm amazed people realized I actually put up that front considering we're not that close as I would think we are. But I liked that he noticed. I smile for many reasons, mainly because it brightens up the people around me. I seldom hang around deeply emotional people because I'm easily affected by their emotions. I subconsciously enter their shoes. But yet I don't want my close friends to feel like they can't share how they feel with me. Which makes me utterly disturbed in a way. I guess I fair better now in handling this crisis.

Ah, complicated. A day from all these problems would be nice. I really need that. You know, just walking around without any plans. Just your feet and your heart. I need to start listening to myself before I can do for others. Writing keeps me sane : )

"It sometimes feels like a strange movie, you know, it's all so weird that sometimes I wonder if it is really happening."

- Eminem

Rachel.

Page 204 - Save You

2010-12-13T02:31:00.001+08:00

4 Down. 0 to go

That's the end and goodbye to semester 3. Here I closed another chapter of my life. It's sad indeed but I guess it's life. Am gonna really miss this bunch of great people. They showed me the real meaning of light, fun and life. Although it was only a year, but I've already grown so fond of them like they're my family. It is amazing : ) Thank you for letting me be who I can really be. No lies, just truth.

The farewell lunch after the paper was a great way to part, in my opinion. It was great to see all the beautiful smiles on their faces. Though it's the end of the chapter, but it is really only the beginning of another new chapter. I gladly look forward to what's ahead of me. And with a smile, I'll bring along.

I presume everyone has read the newspaper. It's heart breaking to see a life just gone like the wind. I won't judge and say it's ridiculous to let yourself go for such a minor disappointment but don't you think it is a waste to lose it to what's already gone? I sympathize but it is not worth giving something so precious for something that can be found again and again if only you'd look further than to stay in the past. The saying goes "No pain, No gain". It is a phrase read by billions of people but how many actually understand the deeper meaning of that phrase. Little or rather one in a million. For one to have the guts and sanity to plan your death, why not project that guts you have to plan how to overcome your sorrow.

Many hope for a second chance in life but isn't as fortunate, I just wished people would know how to appreciate life. Many face sorrows and disappointments, but it is only because of that, that we will learn and grow to be who we ought to be in the future. All these little mess in life will only bring us to a brighter future. However, I'll pray and hope that you've found what you've lost by doing what you've done. May you have a second chance in life again to appreciate what you've lost or rather given up in this life.

Anyways, on the lighter topic, I had an awesome time touring around malls in KL with my best bud. It's been awhile since I done something this "extreme". A great day to take my mind off everything back home. Though I may not say the same for my feet. I've totally exhaust it. LOL! Looking forward to a great december!

SMILEEE! : )))

Really, My smile kills. HAHA!

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."
- Helen Keller

Rachel.

Page 203 - No One

2010-12-06T22:43:00.001+08:00

1 down. 3 to go.

Since I'm already slacking, might as well make this worth. A night without sleep has finally hit me hard, again. I guess it was worth it.

I'm tired. So tired of trying to be awesome for everyone. The pressure of trying, is one hell of a tough job. The more I tried, the more it pushes the people I care, away. it hurts but I have to make this change. For me, myself and I.

Don't lie to yourself and say that you don't even try to please anyone, because you actually do. Ughh, I despise all these fluctuating mood swings. It's not like I'm PMS-ing or something.

Firstly, I feel like cursing my lungs out.
Secondly, I want to get my finals over with.
Thirdly, I need to straighten things out before I subconsciously go bonkers.

"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself. "

- Alan Alda

Good Night.

Page 202 – One Last Wish

2010-11-28T04:39:00.001+08:00

There are no shortcuts. Just one straight road.

Had it known that I’d be out the whole day, should have gotten a little more sleep. No more liveliness to want to work on my assignment for tonight.

Remarkable, I’d say, spending time in SJ. A wild decision to walk to summit with a friend of mine, came across so many extraordinary people I might add. The ones that you’d seldom see at your housing area. Crossed the road, a truck passed by with an asshole screaming through his window, mind you, we were walking near the drainage system. Crossed the T-Junction, this typical old I’m-oh-so-good looking pervert said from the window of his oh-so-gorgeous truck, in cantonese, you crossed the road with style and brilliantly perfect those words with a perverted smile. I know, right? Thanks. Lastly, I think it was after walking down from the bridge, this malay dude said in mandarin “Wo Ai Ni”, in english “I love you”. I’m flattered. As I mentioned, remarkable ain’t it? haha! All in an hour.

Finally got the chance to catch the latest released of Harry Potter. Personally I’d rate it 6/10. Nothing to shout about. The book was definitely a better read than the movie. Love the dark parts though. Still, it is way better than watching the Twilight Sequels. Totally didn’t do the books justice at all. Anyways the intriguing part now is the making of the fourth and final book of the Twilight sequels. I’d like to see how they’re gonna project all those persona’s of the characters and of course, the special effects.

Tron, from the trailer seemed like a pretty good movie. Yogi Bear sounds fun. Gosh, gotta get my head back into the books.

2 weeks is all it takes. 2 weeks to make a difference. 2 weeks to set things right. 2 weeks to end it all.

Today’s day out with my awesome buds was definitely a good energy booster to last me 2 weeks. That’s all I need. Keep my curve up!

Before I end this post, a song to share with everyone out there, be it with friends or family. Lyrics just like pictures, sings a thousand words.

Every now and then

We find a special friend

who never lets us down

Who understands it all

reaches out each time we fall

you're the best friend I have found

I'll make a wish for you,

and hope it will come true,

if life will just be kind,

to such a gentle mind,

if you lose your way,

think back on yesterday.

I don't need eyes to see

the love you bring to me,

no matter where I go

and I know that you'll be there

forever-more a part of me and everywhere

I'll always care.

I'll be right behind your shoulder,watching you

I'll be standing by your side, all you do

and I won't ever leave

as long as you believe,

you just believe.

Remember Me This Way

- Jordan Hill

That’s not exactly the real lyrics, Just extracted bits and pieces that I needed to help express my inner thoughts. Enjoy the beautiful song. Good Night!

Rachel.

Page 201 - Matsuri

2010-11-23T22:35:00.000+08:00

Even twitter has marked its 500th tweet. Suhweeeet!

1 1/2 week left before I hit my 3rd semester finals. Gotta do what I've gotta do!

Anyways, just taking some time off from studies to dedicate this post to my Boomies : )))

Gotta love 'em for always being there for me! Thanks for being awesomeee! <3

Happy 4th Anniversary, BoomFairies! xoxo : )))

" A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."

- Anonymous

Cheerios!

RachelBoomFairy : )))

Page 200 – Dancing In The Moonlight

2010-11-21T02:10:00.001+08:00

Woah, my 200th blog post. Since it’s the double zeros, I’mma make this a happy post. ahahaha! Rare, huh? Anyways, just got back home and it’s about to hit a new day. A tiring day indeed, but I’ve learnt alot from today’s exhibition event. Smiling may seem to be the easiest job to do but babe was it tough. I think I may have sprained a nerve somewhere. No kidding.

Speaking mandarin was one of my biggest fears. Have yet to overcome that. Not that I am afraid to make a mistake but it takes a whole lot of confidence to speak an alien language. It’s not easy to fit in, especially if you’re a chinese, the moment a word of english comes out from your mouth, you’ll be stereotype and cast aside. Calling you a “guai lo”. When you try your best to speak mandarin in a chinese society, honestly there will be an accent, no matter how hard you try. I’ve tried countless times to hide the fact that I can’t speak mandarin, but of course was busted no matter.

Gods, tsk tsk tsk. I sat through 2 hours, hearing my family talk about religions, faith, wisdom, gods and the power. I can’t beat their words as the saying goes “ I eat more salt than you do”. Ahahaha I don’t think that’s a real saying but it’s the best that I could make of. So yeah, working on an interesting assignment. Much creativity needed and I don’t think I am the best person for it. But we’ve gotta do what we’ve gotta do right?

I’ve just heard the wind howling. Freaking horrifying. Scared the heck out of me! Forgive me for loving horror stories yet don’t have the heart to handle the fear.

Anyways my toothpick is about to break into pieces anytime soon. Shall call it a night. Cheerios! : )))

"When the going gets tough, the tough do what they do, while the wise find the game in it."

- the Oaqui

Rachel.

Page 199 – Express Yourself

2010-11-17T03:48:00.004+08:00

So here I am, finally having the time to sit my ass here to type my long unwritten rantings. ahahha. After getting through this hectic couple of weeks, the satisfaction I get out of it was tremendous. I am indeed jubilant.

You can say that my sleepless nights was paid off well. Seeing how pumped up the crowd went, it totally hyped me up emotionally. Makes me feel that our hardwork hasn’t gone down the path of the smelly, dirty sewage that only trash are found. The emotional rollercoaster when preparing for all the presentations, I felt them all. Amazing, huh?

After all the emotional struggles, today finally conclude another chapter of my life. I am not proud to say that it was successful for me because I had not done my best to do what I could to help. Though, I have tried to compensate for this time around. However I still did not think that it was what I strived so hard for. May this be the starting ground for me, and for this time around, thanks for giving me this opportunity and I apologize for any inconvenience caused. In a nutshell, thank you all for always taking good care of this monkey and believing that I could do it : ) Overall, it was an amazing experience.

Nobody understands the importance of having the rights to make your own decisions. It is one of the most powerful tool present to all human beings. Every move in your life is how you shape them to be. Never let others shape them for you. It is only one of the most stupidest mistakes that you can make. One can guide but one cannot determine. This, now I only understood. Never be afraid to take chances. You only live life once. Make the best out of it. Woahh, this monkey is getting deep. 3am ecstasy, babe.

Time to make use of my rights, and here now, it’s time for BED!!! No, really, I miss my bed. It has been calling out to me for a very long time, now.
Morning! : ))) It is a good day to smile. Keep that curve up. It affects me if you don’t.

"Today I realize that every minute I didn't spend loving or laughing was a waste of time. It comes a little late, but I won't lose another minute by not enjoying life and the fun of it."

Rachel.

Page 198 - Someday We'll Know

2010-11-05T15:30:00.000+08:00

Surrounded by fear,

Surrounded by agony,

Surrounded by love,

Surrounded by happiness.

Having to feel all those emotions makes me alive, I feel human. I had never felt fear nor truly happiness. It was always agony and love that my family and friends allowed me to feel. I had never felt so complete. You could say that I am insane for wanting those uncalled for emotions but you will never truly live if you've never felt 'em.

I smiled when I was in agony, I smile when I was in fear, I smile when I was dissatisfied with my friends, I smiled because I was able to be affected by those emotions, by my friends, by my family. I had never been bothered about what my friends had to say about me, or basically just about anything anyway even if they're my closest.

Ahh, like finally. I met a bunch who successfully transformed me 360. I don't feel as heartless as I was before. Ahahaha! that should be a good start, eh?

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.

- Albert Camus

Page 197 - What Can I Say ?

2010-10-30T00:05:00.002+08:00

When you sulk, you'll realize no one knows or cares. When you don't answer, you'll realize they won't really know you're actually there all along. Have you ever want something so much, you can't sleep at night ? No matter how big and solid the lie I can create for others to see, on the inside, It hurts so much that they don't know the truth or know how I am feeling at the moment. I tell 'em all to smile but I could never return a genuine one. When they smile, I cry. When they laugh, I envy. Sometimes you just wish you could join in, but it's never easy to fit in. It never is. I realized I changed myself to fit a persona that I never thought I could be. How long would I be able to last with this lie? 6 months ? 1 year ? 5 yrs ? I am starting to fall apart. I'm drained.

"The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth".

- Edith Sitwell

Page 196 - Tonight I Want To Cry

2010-10-25T23:18:00.000+08:00

Blogging for the 2nd time of the day doesn't seem like a good sign. Everything about today was so wrong, it all felt like I've hit rock bottom. It hurts so much. Anyway putting on a mask for everyone to see is something I do best. So yeah, no one has to worry. Cheers!

Spite is never lonely; envy always tags along.

- Mignon McLaughlin

Page 195 - Life In Technicolor

2010-10-25T01:37:00.001+08:00

I had already forgotten how much I love the sound of music. To genuinely appreciate it. Listening to Westlife's music on a sunday evening was amazing. So soothing for the mind and soul.

Anyway, I finally had the guts to take my dog out for a walk. I guess I could finally let the fear go before I miss my chance to do what I've always wanted to do. I fear that if I get attached to him, I might get hurt again once he passed on. Just like how horrifically my previous 3 dogs passed on. Sigh.

I've been feeling down lately, and I have no idea why is it that I am the way I am. I've tried to be happy, I've tried to laugh it off, put on a dreadful smile on my face whenever I see anyone.. so I wouldn't have to answer them why is it that I'm forlorn. I am an abysmal person, I really am. I can be talkative and hyper for a moment, and then silence myself the next half. I don't know if they felt it? But somehow I sense they could and are already questioning or rather perplexed. I am insecure. By something that seems pretty indistinguishable to me. I can go all temperamental in just a sec, and then all lighted up the next. Sometimes I wonder if I was somehow Bipolar or maybe it's all those emo songs that I've been indulging myself in.

Ah, all these fanatical teenage hormones is driving my emotions all up the wall. Being ill twice in a month totally murdered my buzz. I've tried my best to be the best for everyone. To be a good friend and a good listener like I've always had tried to be. My best bud is all the way in UK and it's always so hard to catch her for a video chat. I need someone to listen and give me some advice, no matter relevant or not. I pretty much figured that I'm a sensitive and sentimental person. Bite me.

Being somewhat sensitive is taking its toll on me. It's time I learn to toughen up. Stay professional. I probably should stay off the Internet for some time. Too much emotions to handle in such a short period of time. I just don't think I deserve to have friends like them all, who cares about me. I never thought that I ever deserve it.

Ah, Mr. What's-his-name has been agitating me lately, help was what I needed and what you offered. But I guess you freaking LIED! Thanks!

Woah, I've wrote this long? Almost hitting the 2am mark. Night.

"Life... is like a box of chocolates - a cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that no one ever asks for, unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Sure, once is a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper." - The X-Files

Page 194 - Not A Dry Eye In The House

2010-10-17T03:04:00.007+08:00

After a discussion that I attended a few days back, had a bona fide argument/discussion with a friend of mine. Something he said, triggered my thoughts and actions. I pondered around every night trying to comprehend one thing.

He gave me a chance to see the bigger picture of life. It made me realised that by me holding on to my past was preventing others from striving to accomplish what I've already achieved. It took me awhile to realize that I was hogging a spot, or rather someone's opportunity to shine. I should take my leave while things are still in great hands and on the run. Me, leaving, would just be a chance for them to show and attest to us that the decision and time that I took to figure my plans out was worth it all. It's time to let go. Ah, with a heavy heart, I believe my time is up.

Letting go of something that I treasured very dearly was somewhat a tough call to make. It took every ounce of effort and courage to finally say, I'm choosing to move on. To gaze beyond my capabilities, to accomplish something bigger than me. This is my future now. I may not feel it but I know I've been very fortunate. Things may not work out the way I want it to be, but in return, I was given the greatest gift that no other would trade for neither would I.

Ah, life. How I wish I could just bolt 'em out. So disheartening just thinking about it. 17 years of my blissful life couldn't even overshadow a one depressed year. Music therapy on the go. Yeahh! Time to put the records on.

Finally got the green light or rather a nod from my parents to let me pursue my driver's license. Like hell yeah! It took almost forever to have them agreed unanimously. I supposed the guilt that I had to smother for having my friends drove me around, have finally hit 'em. ahaha!

College, college, college! All my assignments are laying around the table, and I have no plans to touch them tonight. Came across my journal while clearing the mess up. The last time I recall opening my journal and pouring my heart's content was about 3 months ago. The urge to pen something is so overwhelming but yet no words could best describe my fanatical thoughts. Despite it all, I still can't unbolt my heart to share, It would be a narcissistic act of mine to burden my buds with my endless predicaments and tribulations. I love 'em too much to impose a "doom" sentence on them. I should start switching things up.

Guessed I've poured what I wanted to say today. Completed my quota for the day.

Morning!

Stand up and walk out of your history.

- Phil McGraw

- Rachel.

Page 193 - Bridge Over Troubled Water

2010-10-13T20:50:00.000+08:00

It was harder than I thought, trying to fit in. It's always easy to put up a front. But in the end, how far can pretending to be happy, get you ?

There's really nothing much to update. Just feel like sharing something.

"When youre weary, feeling small,

When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;

Im on your side. when times get rough
And friends just cant be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When youre down and out,
When youre on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
Ill take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

See how they shine.
If you need a friend
Im sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
EASE YOUR MIND."

The ups and downs of life.
Rachel.

Page 192 - I'll Be Okay

2010-10-01T04:08:00.000+08:00

Finally found a perfect title. Originally titled it, Dilemma. Anyways, Time and time again, I've been left alone in the middle of two designated roads, always having to choose between which to take. I'm sick and tired of all this nonsense. Whichever road taken, neither can never satisfy anyone. One will definitely get hurt. The temptation to do it all is tremendous however If and when I do fail to succeed either one, I will fall flat and devastated. Gah! life.

Something I wrote was out in the open for many pairs of eyes to read. Suddenly, I felt vulnerable. I'm afraid they'll be able to see right through me, know me, understand me, feel for me. It became like an open book or rather "I" became an open book. It frightens me because I'm good at suppressing 'em all deep down to the core, all of a sudden I have friends whom I feel I can trust and share, starts asking me, if I'm all right? If I needed to talk? If I needed help? I panicked like a chicken. Being betrayed once was enough to last a lifetime. Ever since then, I shut my heart from people who really care. But I'm sorry, I needed to protect my heart from shattering again. With all my dilemma's and ongoing problems, I can't afford another error in my life again.

It's the most unhappy people who most fear change.

- Mignon McLaughlin

In such short period of time, going through all of this trust, vulnerability, and basically just being able to share with them just about anything and everything can be a little overwhelming and hard to grasp. I'm amaze at myself, really. I feel like a freak of nature. Trust is one of the hardest thing that I have to live with. And what scares me the most is that I trust 'em. However, am taking everything one step at a time, in the midst of a learning process.

Ever noticed how my post recently are all rather depressing? Even reading it myself, shocked the hell out of me, like am I that depressed? Damn, I really need a chill pill. Life is pilling up on me. Needs a slap in the face. Sighh.

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.

- E. B. White

Hopefully my next post would be enlightening to read. H.O.P.E!

Rachel.

Page 191 - Mad World

2010-09-13T12:35:00.000+08:00

Just when you thought, Semester 3 is gonna rock your socks. You then enter your class with a bang, thinking YES! Malaysian studies! I'm going to own you big time! and of course, noting that it's "Malaysian" studies. Typical. It only begins next week. So here I am.. rotting in the computer lab for almost 2 hrs after being notified that, THAT time table we've gotten on the last days of sem 2 was outdated. So much for waking up at 8am. New time table says class is at 1.30pm.. and guess what, it's only 1 1/2 hrs. &%#!$%

On the lighter note, had a great week. A memorable holiday indeed. So much to say yet so hard to express. I'll just use quotes to relay my thoughts and all the spices in life.

"You live longer once you realize that any time spent being unhappy is wasted."

- Ruth E. Renkl

"True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable."

- Dave Tyson Gentry

(haha this quote needs to be rephrased!)

"In youth we learn; in age we understand."

- Marie Ebner-Eschenbach

Page 190 - That's What Friends Are For

2010-08-13T03:15:00.000+08:00

It has almost been a month since I've last updated. Honestly there is just way too much going on at the moment and at the the same time I'm just lazy trying to find time to update this little life of mine here. I'd rather sit infront of the computer and youtube all the way.. and oh wait.. facebook than to blog. Guess I'm no longer that lifeless afterall. I have my awesome fairies to thank for.

Sem 2 finals is in two weeks. Drama Assessment in a week time. Was suppose to be at KBU to speak tomorrow, but postponed to after finals. Thank god. Finally a tiny little hole to breathe in. This whole week have been out to college from 9-4. Tiring indeed. Was hoping to get a grip back to a simple day off, but am busy with drama things. I'm thankful that I enjoyed the process and the company of each and everyone of my members. This is probably something I just might miss a ton after foundation : )

I could probably go on ranting but before I bore anyone. I'm just gonna end it here. Fullstop.

"Try not to become a man of success but a man of value."

- Albert Einstein

RachelBoomFairy <3

Page 189 - There You'll Be

2010-07-31T02:57:00.002+08:00

What would I have been without this bunch of people that I love!

This feeling that I'm feeling now seems pretty strange to me.

I actually miss my Boom Fairies!

One by one left for dreamland, leaving me all alone online..

I actually missed talking to them.

This past few months, no matter the peer pressures or disappointments, knowing they were there for me was comforting.

They helped clear all the darkness in my life and made me see the bright path infront of me. Although I know it's a hard one to walk but with them guiding me along, I know I can walk this path with confidence.

I am truly blessed to have them in my life.

Well you showed me

How it feels

To feel the sky

Within my reach

And I always

Will remember all

The strength you

Gave to me

Your love made me

Make it through

'Cause I always saw in you

My light, my strength

And I want to thank you

Now for all the ways

You were right there for me

There'll You Be - Faith Hill

I love you guys! : )

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar

- Robert Brault

I Cherish Them <3

Rachel BoomFairy : )

Page 188 - Have A Little Faith In Me

2010-07-25T03:26:00.001+08:00

It's gettin hard to

Be around you

Theres so much i can't say

And do you want me to hide the feelings

And look away

And i dont know how to be fine when i'm not

Cause i don't know how to make the feelings stop

The purpose of life is a life of purpose.

- Robert Byrne

Rachel BoomFairy <3

Page 187 - On My Way

2010-07-24T04:18:00.001+08:00

I'm on my way there. I can feel it. But.. I can't hold it in my hands.
I can feel the warmth of it. Yet, I cannot secure it.

It's not about finding a home so much as finding yourself.

- Jason Behr

Page 186 - What About Now

2010-07-22T13:38:00.000+08:00

Them. I miss high school! days were filled with so much joy and laughter.

(",)

The closest bunch I've got. Always there for me no matter.

Am fulfilling my dreams of being a writer. Descriptive essay. My favourite : )

Music happens to be an art form that transcends language.

- Herbie Hancock

Rachel. T

Page 185 - I Think I'm In Love With You

2010-07-19T02:12:00.001+08:00

I've been deprived of sleep lately, have been working on drama script and descriptive essay! Life is just way too good.

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

- Mohandas Gandhi

Rachel. T

Page 184 - The Best Damn Thing

2010-06-28T21:24:00.000+08:00

Probably it was for the best, that things were left this way. I wish time would stop here so I can have a moment to breathe. . .

How to overcome awkwardness

The only way to overcome awkwardness is by learning how to speak out. If you have an opinion or idea for something, let it be known. You will never know how useful your insight is until you actually use it.

Keep a general knowledge of current events or popular topics of conversation in mind to discuss with people if the need arises. Having subject matter is 90% of the battle of general conversation. Keep some interesting things in mind that you could bring up later as topics of conversation.

Some people may mistake awkwardness for arrogance. People who do not talk a lot or speak up around people tend to be viewed as self centered, not shy. Speak up and let people know that you are shy and avoid being viewed as snobbish. By letting it be known that you are shy, it may prevent the misconception of you acting aloof.

Shyness can cause problems with your job, home life, and social life. Be willing to assert yourself and speak your mind. The hurt feelings and loneliness that shy people often deal with could be lessened or even eliminated with a little bit of practice.

Since I'm currently having this awkwardness trouble with a friend of mine, I've actually done some research. Hopefully it does help a little for anyone with the same problem : )

Haha.. enjoy!

"It isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it."

- Eleanor Roosevelt

Rachel

Page 183 - Won't Back Down

2010-06-21T00:36:00.000+08:00

A week left before Peace Proposal Night. Have been out too often this week, finally stepped into the house after being out for 2 straight days, the smell of home is comforting. Had a great time with the HSD's in Pyramid yesterday. Thanks for opening up to me. And of course the day before, Peace Proposal prep in Pyramid as well. I may be bored but I do care. Honestly, I just don't know how to help, all I could do was to be there in person and give my support, to help fight do to the best : )

Rachel.

Page 182 - Flying Without Wings

2010-06-02T19:05:00.001+08:00

First of all, I would like to take this opportunity to sincerely thank everyone for the wishes!

Second of all, Thank you to Block 2 5.5 Committee for a wonderful birthday suprise! I loved the cake! so did my family!

Thirdly, to my classmates for the wishes : )

Truly an awesome 18th birthday. I take back my words from the previous post. Eeks!

Thank you mummy & daddy! I love the cheese cake!! They're the greatest! <3

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."

- Walt Disney

Love,
Rachel.

Page 181 - Perfectly Lonely

2010-05-31T12:19:00.002+08:00

What causes someone to become a vampire?

A curse can do it. So can being buried in the wrong (inauspicious) spot (again a feng shui notion), dying far from home and not being returned for burial. Dying far from home means that your body did not receive proper preparation for burial and your family is unable to pay you proper homage as a deceased ancestor.

Having a family that fails in its obligation to bury you properly or pay you the proper respects as a deceased ancestor, a delayed burial or having your grave disturbed will also cause the return of the dead. Murder victims, suicides, and disappeared people were all likely to become vampires because of the violent nature of their deaths or the inability to trace the body for proper burial in the case of
disappearances.

Yin shock — a shock to the system caused by the dark and mysterious nature of yin energy — can also cause the corpse to come back as a vampire.

And this is how I spend my long breaks in college. Reading folklores.

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how."

- Friedrich Nietzsche

Page 180 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

2010-05-28T01:21:00.000+08:00

Am I disappointed?

Yes.

Am I upset?

Yes.

Gohonzon (God), how many more blows do I have to go through? Blow after blow, I don't think I can take it anymore. Every challenge that I've taken on, I've put my best in all of it. Nothing seems to show. Was it my lack of confidence that made me lost all of this great once in a lifetime opportunity? Maybe. Is it my karma that this is happening? I really don't know. I'm a sceptic. I believe that I control the fate of my own destiny, my future lies in my very own hands. Not some past unfinished business or sins that made my reincarnated life this way.

This past two weeks have definitely been the worst two weeks of my entire life. So darn many let downs. I want to curse, I want to scream my heart out, I want to run off to an island where people only lead a simple life, I want to cry, I want to give up...

But somehow with a heavy heart, I couldn't.

Gohonzon, please let this be it. Stop playing games with me. Another blow, I'm afraid I'm gonna give all this up. I can't handle this. Filled with too much burden and sadness. This religion was suppose to help me find myself and see the great things there are for me out there but instead I'm losing myself. I'm losing who I really am.

I'm turning 18 in a few days. 18 was suppose to mark the time of ones life. It was suppose to be filled with fun and excitement. It was suppose to be my prime age. College was suppose to be what people doubt as the best days of your life. The people in my foundation are great with all the help that they have given me. It's truly hard to come across people like them nowadays. But in the process, I feel like a lost kid wandering around searching for a place like home. I've not found that secured place. Have I made the wrong choice in my life? I wish I have not but I'm beginning to feel like I am. However, for me turning 18 is pure agony. I don't want to have to cry myself to sleep.

We spend most of our lives conjugating three verbs: to want, to have, and to do.

- Evelyn Underhill

Page 179 - The Real Slim Shady

2010-05-22T00:18:00.000+08:00

My all time favourite video. Perhaps the 1st video I've ever seen of Eminem and fell in love instantly with his music.

Photography deals exquisitely with appearances, but nothing is what it appears to be.

- Duane Michals

Page 178 - Aftermath

2010-05-19T13:39:00.000+08:00

My heart is filled with sorrow. Never in my life would I ever thought that this would happen to me. Trying so damn hard to fight back the tears. Once I've touched the gate to my house, I'mma let the tears run down. Class at 2. No matter how much I know, I must not give up, negative thoughts started clouding my head. Can't even focus in class. Those painful smiles that I have to put on in front of others, hurts me down to the core. I need time alone to figure things out.

Rachel

Page 177 - First Day Of The Rest Of Our Lives

2010-05-17T12:04:00.000+08:00

"God does not play dice, and was firm in rejection of the miraculous." - Albert Einstein

This is the person I am in the past and probably present. I don't believe in miracles. Whether or not I believe in the existence of god or what he is capable of is another story. If so, why am I doing so much for my organization? I don't know. I just wanted to. Why? Because I feel like I am alive when I am doing something useful. I've met a lot of people who have helped shape the person I am now. Perhaps I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for them. Without them always encouraging me and pushing me to do my best, I wouldn't have made it through high school happily. My family are strong in faith but I am the outcast among them. Till today, I questioned myself and my Buddhism. Every single day. In a week or two, I'd be legally eighteen. My mother always said, once you are 18, the choice is up to you to make. Majority of my family are Christians. Some free thinker and the rest are like me. Initially, I wanted to be Christian. Terribly. I don't know why. But that was 8 yrs ago. Recently, I have decided on one thing. I am confident that I would remain a Buddhist and continue to contribute everything I can to this organization because It was fate that I was born into this. My parents are proud of their religion. I am now. But my beliefs are rather shallow. My faith is weak. Most of all, I still have HSD to help me through all this.

There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self.

- Aldous Huxley

Page 176 - If Today Was Your Last Day

2010-05-06T13:54:00.001+08:00

It's the month of May! I am finally back on track with youth activities. In the upcoming month of June, I believe it's not a time to sit back and relax instead a hectic month full with strive to succeed. June has both major events up our sleeves, 5.5 High School Division Day and Peace Proposal 2010. Recently have just gotten the reading materials for Peace Proposal. Major headaches. However, I will overcome it and by the end of it, I will be able to grasp the idea and of course understand it. Attending 2nd prep tonight after a long hiatus. Anyway, just wrapped up another series during semester break.

Autumn's Concerto

This taiwanese series is a little draggy. With a total 21 Episodes, they could have just round up with 16 Episodes. After Episode 15, every scene was beginning to get on my last nerve. Totally fast forward. But overall the storyline was good and fresh. Unlike the other taiwanese series, this didn't make me want to shut my monitor off and run off in goosebumps. Have you not watched smiling pasta or It started with a kiss 2? Why do they all have to overact? topping it off with all the graphics. It has been a long time since I have watched a good taiwanese series without overacting. Thumbs up to Autumn's Concerto.

1 Litre Of Tears

1 Litre of Tears successfully put me in tears. A beautifully written storyline. Though it's based on true story, the add-ons were good. Japs keep their series short and good. Thank you!

Ying Ye 3+1

Stairway To Heaven

No, this is not the Led Zeppelin's Stairway To Heaven.

This series got me to the edge of my seat. Not crazy over it but just can't wait to find out what's next. I love sad endings. Bite me.

Recently on 8tv, A hong kong drama was on, So I thought, oh! War of In-Laws 2! Should probably give it a try since the 1st one was pretty good. Suddenly BAM! an animated dinosaur was stomping on her or in other words like a slap in the face. Sighh.. what a turnoff. What has gotten into Hong Kong drama this days ? Up till this day, the best hk show I've ever watched was the Greed Of Men. Tragic and heart wrenching.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

-John F. Kennedy

Rachel.

Page 175 - Throw Your Hands Up

2010-04-30T18:02:00.001+08:00

The end of finals. The beginning of Semester 1 break.

I think I have just screwed my mathematics paper. Frustrating. Months of hardwork poof within seconds. All those sleepless nights. During the week of finals, I believed I had only 20 hours of sleep in total.

Not even a good sleep. 3rd day, totally crashed. Came flu and migrains. Pop some panadols and got back on track with accounts. However after a hard 5 days battle, good sleep awaits me now.

May and June seems pretty pack for me. Listed everything down into cellphone calendar. 5.5 Preps, Peace Proposal Preps, College and future assignments. Youth activities itself took out most of my time but I'm willing to take a challenge, hopefully to help me prepare myself for the future me. Haha. Anyway, thanks for all the help that everyone has been genuinely and generously offering. I truly appreciate it : )

Cheers!

Something nobody knows about you : Sometimes I listen to "The Jonas Brothers"

Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Rachel.

Page 174 - I'm Having A Relapse

2010-04-15T22:52:00.008+08:00

Currently working on my research paper for ENL 101 after a dose of American Idol and of course the final episode of GLEE! Tutorials the night before got me missing it.
Anyhow, I'm keen on finishing it by this week, hopefully. My status on math now is currently "Kicking & Screaming". Jeng jeng jeng. You people better watch out. I'm studying ya'll yo!

Body Language is the topic. Nothing relevant found that can be used for presentation. What is that I hear? Doom?! Yeah.

Time to hit the sack. Night.

Rachel.

Page 173 - Devil In Me

2010-04-12T17:33:00.002+08:00

Uh.. yeah..

Rachel.

Page 172 - A Rush Of Blood

2010-04-09T11:31:00.003+08:00

I don't know what I've done wrong.
I don't know what's going on in that head of yours.
At times, you're opening up to me.
At times, you're giving me the cold shoulders.
It is so hard to be friendly to you when I don't know
how to react around you.
All this misleading signs.

Today is not the same as everyday.
Today I felt something was wrong.
You. You are shying yourself away.
Who knew I'd be so fragile.
However, I'm gonna take my time away from all this
confused feelings I've had in me a while now.

I'm gonna put my all in my finals.
It's something I've to do.
I've to find myself all over again.

Debate in 2 hrs. Guess this is where it all begins.

Rachel.

Page 171 - Piece Of Me

2010-03-14T16:20:00.011+08:00

Recently decided to give Country genre a go once again. However failed miserably. Seriously I can't take it no more. It is so not me. I just don't like Taylor Swift nor any kind of country song related. Nearly broke my earphone into bits. You can listen to it infront of me, but don't expect me to listen to it at home alone.

Now this is what I'm talking about..

Yeaaaah!
Recently ended Sales Demo.
Time to prepare for the upcoming Debate! : )

Rachel

Page 170 - Second Chance

2010-02-24T20:23:00.007+08:00

I want to work hard so I could help them.
I want to be successful so I could travel around the world to lend a hand.
I want to earn truck load of money so I could save people like them.

Days ago, my sister told me, my friend, keefe was doing some charity work.
I admire people like him. I love what he does for the unfortunate. If given the opportunity I will do my best to help. Given the time, I would. However with the start of my college life, time is not something I really have. But if anyone needs a hand, please do inform me. I will try to make time! : )

I genuinely feel for them. Do you?
Help save lives with that magical hands of yours. You can do wonders.

March 16th. Oh dear! Spm results! eeks.
Panic attack. Someone said he'll join me. He better.. LOL!
Good luck to all! : )

Rachel.

Page 169 - Fix You

2010-02-11T22:49:00.005+08:00

If they can put a smile on their face, so can you.

Day 10 - Have you ever wonder how it feels like to be stuck in a sticky situation?
It's deeply unpleasant. Math math math! My only weakness. Numbers.. srsly never leave me with money. I don't do well with financing : )
I plan to take things slow. But full with efforts to make things right.
SIR! my math quiz : (
LOL. I srsly wrote every single formula I could think of without any second thoughts to which if it was right or wrong. I apologize. Math ain't my best n favourable sub.
Hehe. Sir must be thinking what in the world is she writing. OOPS!

CNY! finally, a week of rest. No college means no workloads : )
Eeeks.. accounts imcomplete..
Friday.. long day ahead. Can't wait to attd lessons tmrw. After 5pm.
Time to turn into a couch potato. I can't wait to meet my extended family on sat during reunion dinner. It's gonna be a blast. I hope.

Alright. Time to hit the hay. Night!

Smileeee! Trust me, it helps.

Page 168 - Turn My Swagg On

2010-02-04T23:01:00.009+08:00

Here comes College life.
Accumulating assignments.
Sales Presentation.
Exams.
Great Lecturers.
6 Days of Lectures.
No car *sigh (My only downfall)
New People.

Well, guess everything turned out all right.
Pardon my previous post. In a sulky mode. Now shall turn my contented mode back on.
Thankful that I have great family & friends supporting me. THANKS! : )

and don't forget to Smileee : )

Rachel.

Page 167 - Dreaming With A Broken Heart

2010-01-24T20:50:00.007+08:00

All of a sudden I've to enter college in 2 days or rather tomorrow? WTH! I wasn't even mentally prepared for what's about to come. It was agreed that I'd enroll for march intake. Damn was it a slap in the face or what?!

Pardon my language. I don't feel like being nice.

Rachel

Page 166 - Circle Of Life

2010-01-22T15:43:00.008+08:00

Seems like it has been forever since I've done this. But honestly, I've missed times like this the most! Anyway, I've just realised that I have no clue whatsoever of my own religion nor its history. When speak of the topic of its history, without having known even the basics, I tend to space off.. because my knowledge of my own religion are shallow. For me, the one alien to this religion that I've been praying to ever since birth, wanting to get to know new people is rather challenging. When asked, do you know this and that of the history of this religion, I felt extremely horrible because I couldn't answer them, not one! *sigh time to brush up my knowledge.

Owhhkaaay. Something to lighten up this post. Pictures!! Had a great night with a few buds of mine. Great supper, except one did not wish to eat but to rather sit and drool. HAHA! jk.

This is gonna cost me rounds of running.

: )

Enough said.

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.
- Charlie Daniels.

Night!
Rachel.

Page 165 - Eye Of The Storm

2010-01-20T15:03:00.009+08:00

Being in denial for a very long time has finally taken a toll on me.
The minute I have decided to let it in and to embrace this "feelings" that I've outcast for a couple of years since I've met this person, I've been extremely vulnerable, so much so, at times I've doubted myself, my confidence to draw a line, questioning myself.. trying to seek for that one thing I've been longing for. Till today, I'm still unsure of what answer I'm seeking for.

I've learned to trust this person with all my heart, but knowing it'd be impossible to advance to another stage, I've taken all the courage I have left to draw this line between us. I no longer desire to search for the answer. I no longer desire to waste my opportunity to start anew. Risk is something I wish to not take because losing you in my life would be the biggest mistake I'd have ever done. Before it gets deeper, I am taking a step forward to end it once and for all. Our friendship is what I truly treasure the most.

In a nutshell, I'm tired of waiting, I'm tired of searching, I'm tired of believing. Therefore I'm going to end this right here, right now. Trust me, I'll smile my way through : )

Rachel.

Page 164 - Meet Me On The Equinox

2010-01-18T02:47:00.005+08:00

John Cusack

He is an undeniably brilliant actor whom I believe is underrated for his work. Enough said.

Manda panda. Hope that you've adapt well in the UK. Miss you bud!

Rachel.

Page 163 - For Your Entertainment

2010-01-16T23:13:00.009+08:00

Finally back with updates. Beginning of 2010 has been suprisingly entertaining for me. Here are the highlights of January : )

Can't seem to rotate it.

My favourite. It does ALOT! : )

Lied. This post isn't the highlight of january yet. Haven't loaded the pictures. Course counselling in SGMS went pretty well. Had gather some infomations. Had dinner with a friend soon after. Hence the pictures above. Love his pillow. Sho cuteee!

Rachel.

Page 162 - 2009/2010

2009-12-31T23:35:00.003+08:00

2009 has finally come to an end with no regrets.
Shall 2010 opens with great opportunity for me.
As will for everyone : )

Rachel.

Page 161 - River Of Dreams

2009-09-23T12:00:00.007+08:00

How I long for this to happen.

My own worst nightmare *laughs

Dated back in 2004. Took in Thailand. You'd have figured by now I presume.

Anyway, since I've neglected my blog for a month now, I'm going to continue neglecting it till after the exam that will conclude my 5 yrs of high school life : )

If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill

Wishing everyone the best of luck in the upcoming examinations!

Rachel.

Page 160 - Lost In Space

2009-08-05T21:56:00.006+08:00

I need to rant.
I need to exhale all my problems.. does it sound right? ahh who gives a damn anyway.
I need to learn how to embrace them.

I am nowhere near ready.
There is this feeling that has been in me for a while now and I can't seem to cypher it.
It's like a nuclear bomb set to explode any moment now.
I'm also feeling a little necessitous at the time being.
All this emotions are so new to me, so much so I am afraid of it.
Afraid of embracing it.
It came too fast in such a short period of time.

In a nutshell, what i'm trying to express here is.. well.. I'm not even sure about it. Lol.

so much for an update.

Night.

Page 159 - I Just Can't Stop Loving You

2009-06-28T21:44:00.004+08:00

Each time the wind blows

I hear your voice so

I call your name . . .

Whispers at morning

Our love is dawning

Heavens glad you came . . .

You know how I feel

This thing cant go wrong

Im so proud to say I love you

Your loves got me high

I long to get by

This time is forever

Love is the answer

Page 158 - Whatever It Takes

2009-05-17T17:38:00.003+08:00

UPDATES!

And What is the verdict?

I got placed in Chinese Dance!

A little unsure about that but oh well..

BRING IT ON!

I'm all gamed up for it.

Though I prefer Modern Dance but fail to enter.. I guess its time to give another genre a try.

So people.. the next time you see me.. I'll be errr.. twisting? bending? LOL!

All the best in exams ya'll.

Page 157 - Boy With A Coin

2009-04-06T22:03:00.005+08:00

"Run For Peace 2009"

I was killed by the priest Franchino when I tried to strangle Father Halliran, and I've been damned to eternal hell for my sins! For having arranged Karen's murder by Brenner'. He continued to laugh as his body began to vibrate. 'I am one of the legion!'
-The Sentinal, Jeffrey Konvitz

Page 156 - 5,6,7,8

2009-03-17T13:39:00.003+08:00

Annyong Haseyo!

Come tutto sta facendo?

1st term exams down. Dang! Now here we are, 1st term holidays.
Alright I said I'd blog so here I am.. This one week would be exhausting..
I have tasks to be completed in a week. . .
1. ULBS
2. Dance Performance
3. etc. etc he he!

Dance Performance. . .
5 Days to get the steps right before saturday. I'm so. . . TIRED!

Oh well.. currently blogging in Lynn's room.. listening to the song of our dance and of course practising.. Oh shoot! HSD meet after our practice.. I want my sleep.

hmm.. I think my post today is terrible.. I'm not sure of what I'm typing cause we're all listening to songs.. so if there is any grammar mistakes.. I apologize!

Kamsahamnida!

Rachel

Page 155 - Shadow

2009-02-20T23:43:00.005+08:00

Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
My chains are finally free
Don't feel sorry for me

Page 154 - Departure

2009-01-02T23:40:00.013+08:00

Another year gone in just a blink of an eye.
Gone through so much in just so little time..
2008 was a great year! A year I wished would never come to an end...
2009 is a year I wished would never come : (
It is just going way too fast.
I don't want to end Form 5.
I don't want to leave High School.
I don't want to have to think about my future : (
Oh well..

Anyway 2008, I've received more than I've give..
I was given great friends who was willing to listen to my problems at any time of the hour.. I am grateful.
I met a bunch of great people with very bright hearts and are so lively. I am thankful.
I've learned so much and have grown so much physically and mentally. Thank you for your guidance!
Because of my mother's endless encouragement, I met so many people that I never thought I would come across in my lifetime. She said I would thank her one day, Mum.. today's the day. Thank you!
In just 7 short months, I've gain so much more than I've ever expected.
Because of my involvement in gakkai activities, I've now managed to achieved so many great things that I never would expect to achieve in such a short time.

Amanda, Li Chuang, Yike Yuan, Natalie, Victor, Shaun, Darren and the rest, Thank you for being there for me whenever I'm in need of a friend. Thank you for listening to all my problems.. though some might be just crap. HAHA! but anyway thanks! I really appreciate it.As for gakkai friends, I have so many I want to thank and express my gratitude for.. especially this few.. Andreanna, En Teng, Li Teng, Danny, Kaang Yib, Natalie, Min Xiang, Siew Kai, Choy Yee, Hui Yang, Ju Ann, Ee Lin, Jin, Kwok Wai, Crztal, Man Yin, Daniel, Johan, Mun Yee...1. Thank you for opening up to me : )
2. Thank you for everything you've done for me..
3. Thank you for making me a happier person whenever I'm with anyone of you..
4. Thank you for encouraging me and leading me to where I am today even though it has only been 7 months since we've met.
5. Thank you for the endless transportation! I'm so sorry for all the trouble and I really appreciate it very very much!
6. Thank you for showing me so many great things in life whenever I'm with you guys.
7. Thank you for showing me what I've missed for the past 16 years of my life.
8. Thank you for being there for me.
9. Thank you for brightening up my day whenever I'm with ya'll
10. Thank you for being my friend and being a part of my life.
I can never imagine where I would be and what I'd be right now if it weren't for you guys. There can never be enough thank you's that could measure up to all the great things that u've done for me in this lifetime : )
(Sorry If I've missed out anyone)Ee Lynn, my closest cousin. Thank You so much for always being there for me and listening to all my problems! I enjoy travelling with ya.. it is just so much fun cause you always crack me up. HAHA! I think you know what I mean XD!

I guess all I want to say is.. Thank you for making 2008 the most memorable year for me! Hmm.. alot of thank you's. I am very fortunate to have such great parents, great family members and awesome friends to help me along the way. Love you guys!

Happy New Year!

Rachel.

Page 153 - Feeling Way Too Damn Good

2008-12-17T20:55:00.020+08:00

Indonesia Part II

Parapat

Full View Of Parapat.
A very filthy place to be but it was a great experience. I'm sure Lynnie still have bad memories of this place : )

Chitato. Indonesia's Potato Chips : )
Oops. Sorry Danny! I ate the one that I bought for ya : ) Hard to resist. HAHA!

Ooo. Ping Ping. The driver took us to this store out of nowhere to taste this famous biscuits with very very weird names.
Ping-Ping. Ting-Ting. Paten. Teng-Teng. Ping-Pong. Tang-Tang.
Hilarious : ) The owner thought I was weird when I laughed but it taste niceee : ) Addictive.

Hot Spring. Imagine all the climbing involved.
I injured my knees : ( blood...

There's no pathway and thank god for our driver who knows his way well.

^^

1KM walk just to get a good glimpse of the Water Fall

I guess this is all for part II. Night : )

Rachel.

Page 152 - Break The Ice

2008-12-06T16:31:00.014+08:00

Since I'm craving for Ice Cream right now. I'm going to do a post on Ice-cream : )

Ice Cream Trio with Berry Coulis & Chantily Cream.

Summer Pudding

Ginger Ice Cream

Tiramisu : D

Chocolate Ice Cream. YUMM!

Damn. I so want to get out and go for an Ice-cream right now.. and it is not the McD's Ice cream. Anyway for those who love Green Tea Ice Cream.. here's the recipe : )

Green Tea Ice Cream

1/3 cup water

1/3 cup sugar

2 teaspoon powdered green tea

1 cup heavy cream

1 cup light cream

Combine the water and sugar in a small saucepan over low heat, stirring, until the sugar melts, and simmer the syrup for 5 minutes. In a separate bowl, mix 1 tablespoon of the syrup with the powdered green tea, then add that mixture to the syrup in the saucepan, and stir until evenly mixed. Add the light cream and heavy cream , pour into an ice cream freezer, and freeze according to manufacturer's instructions.

Enjoy.

Rach.

Page 151 - Summer Fades To Fall

2008-12-02T01:52:00.008+08:00

I would do it all over again if I have to.
I don't want to just reminisce...

Updates!
Just return from dance practise.. a little exhausted. So I guess I'll let the pictures do the talking : )

Indonesia P1.

Gonna turn in now..

R.

Page 150 - Blinded In Chains

2008-11-13T02:24:00.003+08:00

Like walking into a dream, so unlike what you've seen
So unsure but it seems, ’cause we’ve been waiting for you
Fallen into this place, just giving you a small taste
Of your afterlife here so stay, you'll be back here soon anyway

I see a distant light, but girl this can't be right
Such a surreal place to see so how did this come to be
Arrived too early

And when I think of all the places I just don't belong
I've come to grips with life and realize this is going too far...

Avenged Sevenfold - Afterlife.

Currently drowning myself into piles of songs waiting to be listened. Love 'em. Every single track has its very own significant meaning.

Hmm, I'm out of ideas. I can't type. I can't tell you stories. I'm DISTRACTED!

Well, if you're bored, here are a few things you can listen to..

1. Circus - MC Mong.
2. Light On - David Cook
3. Blinded In Chains - Avenged Sevenfold
4. It's Not My Time - 3 Doors Down
5. I'm Having A Relapse - Eminem
6. Misery - Good Charlotte
7. Best Of Me - Sum 41
8. Hotel California - The Eagles

Seem kinda old? hmm, totally lost all since reformating the laptop. But this are good music : )

Ooo. I LOVE...
1. Stephen King's "IT" (1990)
2. Die Hard Quadrilogy
3. The X-Files (S1-S9) :D
4. One Tree Hill
5. House
6. The Punisher

So many great movies & TV series to catch before school re-opens. Hmm, will name them after I've watched it. Guess you can do the same?

Good Luck To All SPM Candidates!

R.

Page 149 - Let It Rain

2008-10-15T16:43:00.003+08:00

Rain...
I just stood under the heavy rain for a good 5 minutes..
It felt like...
Mezzo-soprano...

Every drop of the rain washes away the menace you've been going through.
I looked up into the sky and see the beautiful raindrops raining down on me..
It was melodious..

And now I'm having a cold... -_-''

Page 148 - Big Bad World

2008-09-12T16:29:00.005+08:00

Hey : )

So yeah I suddenly had the urge to blog again. I'm bored and I'm sitting right infront of the computer like a dead corpse.

Just got the lastest info on the exam dates. And its confirm oct 22nd. A big WHAT?
Weeks ago they confirm sept 24th and days ago they confirm 0ct 13th and hours ago they confirm oct 22nd?
Stop trying to mess with our heads. I'm rushing to cover up last few chapters and now i don't have to? Geez are you going to tell me minutes from now you're going to confirm exams are like days away?

Im not going to say names. But lately I think that teen girls are crazy, really. Not to the extremes I'd say. Why in the world would people fight over a famous actor? Like really, he doesn't even know your existence for goodness sake. "Oh he's my hubby, I lubbb him. You go awaaay! No snatchy him from meeee! I hate euuu!" *pulls hair* Okay okay, for example James Lafferty, Yes he is Hot but he can only be seen, not touch. Fantasy much. I am a girl and It is normal to look and like guys but not till I'm going to tell everyone he's mine. It's insane I tell you. Sure we all drool over "Hawt" guys. Natural : )

It's like a ferocious cat fight for the untouchable figure.

"JAMES LAFFERTY is MINE, I tell you! MINE, B****H!"
"OMG, do u like know like James Lafferty is like the Hawttest man ALIVE?"
"YOU! yes you, back off! Im future MRS. LAFFERTY!!"

-_-"

Rachel.

Page 147 - Someday

2008-08-20T00:52:00.002+08:00

Evenin' people.

Its heaven.

I would say 5 bags of chips. Just chips. : D
Lovely!

Honey, its all 'bout food in Thailand.
Dang forgot the tom yam's. : (

tsk tsk.

Us. in the boot.

All vampire storybooks if ur trying to crack a brain in there.

Oo.. daddy u're slow!

err.

..?

police checking? LOL!

still stuck.. hmm..

uh,...

Enjoy.
R.

Page 146 - Positivity

2008-08-17T01:50:00.001+08:00

Lee Chong Wei
He is good, no doubt about that. Never really watched him play till he reached quater finals. woot. Unfortunately youtube didn't have any videos on the game as it is copyrighted. Boo.
Last but not least, Gambatte, Chong Wei!
.Can't watch you play, off to thailand. : (

Gotta start packing. Not fun!

Page 145 - Crush

2008-08-16T04:05:00.001+08:00

When u think u know someone well enough. You're wrong.
Friends with only money in the eyes are not friends you'd want to approach.
In fact, I've encounter one which I despise. Do remind me never to do projects
with him ever again. You piece of ****!
Sorry for the inappropriate use of words.

R.

Page 144 - 5.5 HSD Day!

2008-07-30T01:20:00.001+08:00

Successful!
Stress free!
I intended to post up photo's taken on Group 3 but as always, Im a lazy bum.
Truthfully I'm glad I got to meet a bunch of young and friendly people =]. It was like hell the first time I entered my group. I was speaking english and going through some stuff with them and the next thing I knew, they were all staring at me. As soon I realize the problem, Thank god for my partner who speaks bilingual. Yes Hui Yang, Thank you very much =]
Okay since there were no photos. As promised, I would like to thank my group members for being on their best behaviors, co-operative, & lastly.. for opening up to each and everyone of us =D

I am bored. Someone please entertain me. =[
R.

Page 143 - The X-Files

2008-07-24T00:49:00.002+08:00

The X-Files has been one of my childhood all time favourite TV-series besides Friends. I definitely grew up loving this show =D

Anticipation has finally come to an end. I can't wait to finally be able to watch The X-Files Sequel. Wheeeee!
R.

Page 142 - Where's Your Head At

2008-07-22T22:17:00.002+08:00

4 Days and counting.
I suddenly had the urge to blog again. This shall mark my 4th week without weekends. Everyday there will be something going on for me. This year is the most on going year for me. Say that again!
STRESS! say what..?
Stress.. suddenly I've grown more fond of this word. I've been seeing this word, working on the details, preparing details and practicing it for the past 4 weeks. Tell me that again!
So "stressful" but yet so satisfying.
I'm totally loving every single moment of it. Crazy? You Bet!
Time Of My Life - David Cook.
I've been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that
Magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn't see it
Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the
bitterness burn
Now I'm coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin' my world Start to turn

And I'll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my Life

Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I'm rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart

And I'll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my Life

And I'm out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
I'm keeping my feet on the ground
Arms open wide
Face to the sun

And I'll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time
To be more than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my Life

This song is best describe me at the moment :)

Smile! Smile! Smile! :)
Definitely brightens up your day and its a part of relieving stress =)
Smiling transmits nerve impulses from the facial muscles to the limbic system; a key emotional center in the brain, tilting the neurochemical balance towards calm. So people, smile often :)
Enjoy.

R.

Page 141 - Feel This

2008-07-02T01:54:00.001+08:00

This is going to be a long post which sums up Prefects Camp, HSD discussion meet (Subang & B.Jelutong) and MPPT. Im not going to type much, I suppose pictures says it all.

Prefects Camp '08 - Kuala Kubu Baru

:)

Spartacus!

DSG

Oops! Bad shot. Introducing Froggy & Bearrie :)

The never happen camp fire.

My partner in Stats. (For the day) :)

Lol!

Gahh XD!

There's a lot more but I shall just leave you with this much. Getting kinda lazy =]
HSD Discussion Meet (Subang)

He requested not to be named; Mr. Anonymous

Orange World

Orange's Statue.
Li Teng's & Rachel's Masterpiece

Orange's World Won! Hehe Go Orange!
HSD (B.Jelutong)

GAYLAND

Somehow this picture made me laugh my head off :D
MPPT
No pictures available yet. But I've gotta say, it was fun and memorable. All the energy used during football & basketball is making me tired. *Yawns* And i'm awfully dark!
Hmm..homework =[
Anyway that's about all. Enjoy.
R.

Page 140 - Happy Birthday

2008-06-03T01:24:00.002+08:00

So yeah, Rachel finally turns 16. Awww. I'm getting older. And I guess I'm a very fortunate kid. Yeap.
Anyway, thanks for all the wishes. It really meant alot to me =]

GFG Camp.
I'm really glad I participated this camp. Although once again language barrier was the only main problem & because of that I nearly wanted to leave the camp but thankfully I didn't give up. I've learned alot from this camp, even met alot of nice & friendly people. It has definitely taught me alot about life, leadership, unity, courage & so on. Honestly the 1st day it was tough for me to communicate with the people cause they all speak in mandarin. And I've gotta admit, I've learned alot of new words =D. Am so gonna miss you guys. Overall, It was a memorable experience & it is going to last me a lifetime =]
GO EANIX! XD
Eagle + Phoenix
We represent Freedom, Courage & Unity =D

Birthday.
I feel spoilt during my birthday =] My aunt & Grandmother treated me for lunch at a Japanese Restaurant O.O My mom got me 2 books. Presents from family members. THANK YOU! All in all, it was an awesome birthday.
The night itself, My family & I went to catch a movie, Indiana Jones. I'd rate it 6/10. Cute I'd say. Love Shia LaBeouf's character ^^

Au revoir.
Rachel T.

Page 139 - You Can't Stop The Beat

2008-05-29T02:03:00.002+08:00

Back from vacation.
For the holidays it really don't seem like a holiday to me. At least I'm blithe for now. Tons of activities are going on for me. Having camp this coming Friday. Sort of like a training camp. Saddest part is I'll be back on my Birthday & most likely will end up exhausted.
Dang. I really wanted to go to Sunway to promote a product with school mates. But unfortunately I'll be busy on that day and also no transportation. This is what you get for living far.
While checking my emails, I came across this email sent to me. Its just so painful watching dogs being tortured and killed for human needs. I can't bare seeing animals being killed. Its just so... so.. painful..imagine the pain they have to go through because of us. I'm sorry I just can't continue scrolling down those pictures. It's just so hard to continue. ..
Anyway.. I really have nothing to blog about. Its copious for now. I'll just let the pictures to the talking.

Last Yr's Lantern Festival.

Dec '07

Midnight Walk.

After a cold midnight walk.. nice warm soup's the next best thing.

Too cold for Ice cream =[

20 degree? it was definitely cold. I likeee.

I Was Here

YUMMM!!!

They call it "Whisper Falls"

Mist =D I likeee

Wind down window, enjoy the nature and smell the .....Carbon Monoxide?

*coughcough*

May '08

Well that's all. It was a great trip. Now back home, it's extremely hot. 32 degree?

Breathtaking XD!

This bear is a little exasperating & grisly....

Nite nite...
Rachieee.

Page 138 - Time Of My Life

2008-05-19T21:24:00.003+08:00

Status: Relieved

14 Down 0 To Go!
Finally.. can you feel like all the weight has been lifted of your shoulders? Cause if you don't, I do. After the last paper ended, I couldn't stop smiling. I have never been happier. Oh...OH....!!! How could I ever forget....

DAVID COOK!...

WON!...
Like really.. after watching the finale on Wednesday, I thought David Cook was doomed. Thankfully my parents and sis didn't go all party pooper on me. I think this is one of the disadvantages of Internet. My dad will tell my mum... she tells my sis... and me go all "lalalalala". Geez. Can't they zip it till I watch.. I mean like really... watching it and already knowing who's out or won.. where's the thrill. They actually made me believe that David Archuleta won... I went speechless... and even point fingers to all the party pooper infront of me XD!
Anyway I think David Cook really deserve the title. He rocked the stage and never fail to make me get on my feet every single week just for him. Except the week he sang "The Music Of The Night". I found it a little creepy. Well, to me he has proven his versatility as an artiste.
Holidays. . .
2 weeks... I should probably dig in on Kevin Lewis's " The Kid". Will be outstation tomorrow.. aww... after returning home, I'm going to catch up with ONE TREE HILL season 5 episodes that I've missed and the continuous of House Season 4!
Happy 16th Birthday to..
Victor =]
Max C. XD
Syakil ^.^

Did I miss out anyone..? Sorry If I Did.. =] My wishes go out to you.

Rachel. T :)

Page 137 - When It Comes

2008-05-06T21:25:00.003+08:00

Shoot.

Countdown: 6 more days to 1st paper.

Im blogging? dang. Currently not in the mood of studying. Everything seems to go in from one ear and out the other. Let's see, today marks the 6th day since I last eat solid food. Everyday's been like hell, if its not porridge, its either bread or potatoes? Mummy! When will I feel better? 1 week? but i've not recover much, tummy still hurts.. 2 weeks? yikes! 3 weeks? but daddy says there's a wedding dinner coming up and its buffet! Oh god, please let me recover.. LOL.

Okay that was lame. Studying too much corrupts my mind too. Still trying to successfully remember sejarah points & Math formula. Well, better get back to studies now. Ciao.

Gambatte!

Rachel.